Te amo Mexico

* Sorry about the duplicate fish picture. I couldn't figure out how to delete one of them! 

We are back and well rested after an amazing seven-day vacation in Ixtapa, Mexico!!  We flew back on Thursday night, into a terrible snow storm. I have to say, Northwest came through for us and we landed only five minutes behind schedule. If it weren't for our two darling little boys waiting for us in Minnesota, we could have easily stayed in Ixtapa another day (or two... or three)!!

First of all I have to thank our gracious families who took care of our boys while we were vacationing. It goes without saying, we could never leave without their assistance and for that, we are deeply grateful. Nearly everyone in the family had one or both of the boys at some point. We were thoroughly relaxed and confident, knowing they were in the best of care. 

Pat and I have been blessed to go to Ixtapa for the past five years. We absolutely love Ixtapa and cherish the time we spend there. We really know the area well- the good restaurants, the waiters who greet us with high fives and the best local fishermen. The weather is always outstanding. We have been there for a total of 35 days and never once has it been under 87 degrees with full sun. The last morning we were there, we woke up to a partly cloudy sky, but the intense sun burned them off by 9:30am. No doubt, it's a slice of heaven here on earth. 

We were fortunate to spend a few days there with Shannon's parents. We enjoyed great conversation, many fantastic meals and lots of sunshine. Pat and Denny got out fishing on Sunday. Denny caught an eight foot sailfish and Pat caught a 54" Mahi Mahi (Dorado). Mom and I rushed down to the fishing pier to see it in person. That night, we brought the Mahi Mahi filet into Ixtapa where a local restaurant prepared it for us! That day was a highlight of our trip!

We left on Thursday the 19th. Cole went to the respite house, for the second time, on Wednesday the 18th. I was so nervous on how it would go. In true Cole fashion, he handled it like a champ. In fact, on the Monday prior, he asked his PCA, Haley, if she would take him to see "Erin, Laura and Jeff". It worked out great when Haley responded, "Not today, but how about Wednesday?!".  Cole ended up going to the house without any resistance. He was cheerful, happy and such a trooper. He knew all of the staff by name and made himself right at home. When I called Wednesday night, to hear this report was music to my ears. I knew it would go well. And it did.

Cole was at the respite house until Saturday afternoon. He got the ride of his life when Brendan and his girlfriend, Brittany, picked him up in her car. Cole has a big crush on Brittany and to ride in her car was better than a John Deere tractor ride. He spent time at Brendan's house and then went to Tara and Jason's for a pizza party. The plan was for Cole to spend the night at Tara's house, where Connor was staying. Cole changed the plan. He wanted to spend the night at Uncle Brendan's, with Connor. So Brendan and Brittany brought the boys back to his house and played with them, fed them ice cream and tucked them into the air mattress. The boys slept through the night and enjoyed homemade pancakes in the morning. I would say the slumber party was a huge success! :-)

Brendan wrote me an email saying how impressed he was with Cole's speech and behavior. He noticed progress even in the short time since he had seen him last. He also gave Connor a huge compliment. He said that whenever Cole mentioned mom and dad, Connor stayed right by Cole and comforted him by saying, "It's alright Cole. Connor's here and mommy and daddy will be home soon. It's ok buddy." Did I mention that Connor is by far the best brother on this planet? Yes, there is no doubt. Our blessings with him are countless.

On Sunday the boys went to Pat's parents. The day went well. Cole entertained himself on the computer and I believe he got to Skype with his Auntie Katie, who is studying abroad in the Netherlands. Wait until this Sunday when he gets to Skype with her at home! :-) We miss you Katie and think of you so often.

Monday brought Cole back to his regular routine. He went to speech and MAC. That night he played at the Schusted's with Connor. Tuesday, he went to MAC and was brought to the Cooney's house. It was a night filled with excitement, as they just flew in from Ixtapa. 

Connor came with Grandma Cooney to pick us up at the airport last night. We were thankful to land on time, despite mounds of snow and whipping winds. We decided to leave Cole with Grandpa for the night. We wanted to make sure Cole got a good night's sleep and that he would be willing to go to MAC for therapy this morning. It was hard not to see him right when we got home, but it was the right decision for all of us.

Today Connor and I spent the day snuggling a ton and catching up. We also shopped for Cole's birthday (he turns 8 on Saturday!). We then went down to MAC to surprise Cole. Typically he is transported home after MAC on Fridays. I couldn't wait any longer to see him, so we went to pick him up ourselves. Cole was THRILLED to see us. I  just kissed him and smiled at how long his hair had gotten. He was so happy to have mommy pick him up. We came home and enjoyed pizza with Daddy, Connor, Tara, Elle and Ethan. Then the boys headed outside to shovel and plow snow. It was a great night. Cole impressed us with his ability to type so many things into his You Tube video search: dark green fast boat, John Deere tiller, Wiggles bid red car... you name it. He is just so dang smart. And I just love him to pieces.

Thank you again to all of those who helped take care of the boys. We appreciate it more than you know and we are so thankful for your generous offers to help. 

Brotherly love

Today I found out just how much Cole adores his brother. They share a bond that is so strong. I have no doubt they were hand picked for one another. Connor is by far Cole's best friend in the world. If it were up to Cole, he would spend every waking spare moment with Connor. 

From the moment Cole gets up in the morning, which is always way before Connor, he wants to wake up Connor. He wants to know what he's doing, where he is and just loves to be around him. Most of the time, it is something we treasure. On the other end of the spectrum, it can make it very hard to function, especially on Saturdays. Every Saturday, Connor has gymnastics from 11-1. Each Saturday morning Connor and I go to the YMCA and then I take him to gymnastics. Every week Cole is sad and anxiety-filled when we go to leave. Lately we've been propping the door open, leaving the garage door up and preparing for our "escape". Pat plays with Cole in a far corner of our house. Connor and I quickly run out of the house and zoom away in the truck. Pat is unfortunately left to deal with Cole's frustration and anger when he realizes his mommy and best buddy have left him.

Today was no exception. Connor and I got ready on the sly and ran out of the house when the coast was clear. Cole had been asking all morning to go to the mall, to the zoo, Children's Museum and Chuck E Cheese. He had grand plans for us today. He didn't care if I wanted to work out or if Connor had gymnastics. To top it off, Connor and I had plans to go to the Children's Theater after gymnastics. It was going to be at least 4pm before Cole would get reunited with his buddy. 

I called Pat after we left to see how Cole was doing. It wasn't good. Cole was very sad and upset. Each time I called, he was watching out the window, waiting for Connor and I to get home. After I dropped off Connor, I came home to spend time with Cole before the play. He seemed to calm down and we promised to take him to the Mall of America later on. Thankfully Cole calmed down and Pat was able to spend a few nice hours with him in the afternoon. They played outside and made eggs.... Cole's favorite! After the play, Pat and Cole left to meet us at the Mall of America. Cole was SO excited!!

We got to the mall and it was crazy, insane busy. I've been to the mall a lot and I've never seen it like this. Pat called my cell and said it took him 15 minutes to find a place to park. When Connor and I saw the mobs of people inside, I was filled with anxiety and questioning how we were going to keep Cole safe. We couldn't turn back now.

Finally we all met up. Cole was so excited to see us. He did a great job. He held hands with Connor the whole time. They waited in line and Cole was so patient. Instead of getting frustrated, Cole talked about the kids that were screaming on the rides, he told me about the guy at the ride who talks into the microphone and he took it upon himself to love up on Connor. It was precious. He even waved to Pat and I and said, "Hi mommy" when he was riding the truck ride....oh how rewarding progress is!! :-)

I was so relieved to see how well Cole did. It helped that he has taken countless trips to the MOA with his PCAs. I know the previous trips made ours a success. We have wonderful people who work with Cole and they have done an amazing job at developing his community and life skills. We are incredibly thankful for each of them. I felt Cole was pretty much indistinguishable amongst the other kids today. He fit right in and was as excited and happy as the next child. He stopped when we said his name and he was so patient and well behaved. We were so proud of him. 

I had a wonderful Valentine's Day. My three boys each gave me cards and a dozen roses. I loved all of those things, but the best part was spending the day with the three men I love most in this world.  

My heart belongs to my boys

I have three of the most amazing boys in my life... Pat, Cole and Connor. I've been incredibly blessed to have Pat in my life for over twenty years. We have countless memories together and we thoroughly enjoyed making new memories with our little fellas. Autism has thrown a curve ball at us but we try very hard to make the most of it. Outings take a lot more planning and sometimes there are things we simply can't do. 

We were fortunate to enjoy the Ham Lake Snow Bowl last Saturday. It was a rather warm winter day. We bundled the kids up and headed to the lake near our house. We had a fun time and the kids did great! We saw a ton of dogs. Cole is deathly afraid of dogs but he was so brave. He kept saying, "Dogs are on a leash, not going to get you". We got to walk out onto the lake where we take the boat in the summer. Cole loved that part, he even laid down on the ice just to take it all in. He got a kick out the trees that were on the lake (for ice golfing) and he loved seeing snowmobiles and 4-wheelers tooling around the lake. Soon enough, it was time for a unique kind of sled dog race. There were nearly 100 dogs in a race where they pull their owners on cross country skis. We watched the dogs race down the path, one after another. There were all kinds of dogs and it was so neat to see. Cole and Connor got a chance to jump and play in the snow together. I took a lot of pictures and we had a great morning together. 

I was so happy to do this activity as a family. Not long ago, this is something we would not attempt. Slowly, Cole is becoming more adaptable and cooperative when we go out in public. It wasn't stressful for us and we all had a wonderful time together. 

On Sunday, we had plans to spend the afternoon at my sister's house to celebrate my birthday. We prepped Cole for this and thought he would cooperate. For some reason, he had anxiety about it all day long. The time came for us to leave and Cole refused to go. He cried and cried, and got many stand up, sit downs (I'll explain those in a later entry). We offered to have everyone come here and he kept saying, "Just us. No everyone today. Want to go swimming at the Y". So a half hour after we were supposed to be at my sister's, Connor and I ran out of the house and sped out of the garage before Cole could get outside to stop us. 

I called Pat every twenty minutes or so to see if he thought they would make it. It was always the same response. Cole was still upset and refused to come. So Pat and Cole missed my birthday celebration. It was one of those times that just wasn't meant to be, and that's ok. 

So we got home around 7pm and Cole was waiting for me at the door. I walked in and he said, "Hi Mommy!!! Go to Y? Go swimming with Mommy and Connor." So at 7:15pm on a Sunday night, we all packed up our things and drove down to the Y by my parents (the one close to our house is too loud for Cole). We had a fun time at the pool and it was rewarding to see the progress Cole has made with his swimming. It sure wasn't the way most families spend 7:30-9pm on a school night, but it was worth it. 

Cole had a good day at MAC the next day and was glad to get back into his routine. I opened up his backpack that night and he made me a homemade Valentine. It was written in his handwriting and is just so precious. Cole loves us so much. He tells us every day and he shows us every day. Tonight, after Cole got Connor's "movie rest" set up, I asked him to give Connor a kiss goodnight. Cole leaned over and gave Connor a big kiss and said, "I love you Connor. I love you Connor." He does love us, there is no doubt in my mind. 

 

I might be buying 10 pairs of Harley undies

Quick entry today... I have the day to myself and I desperately need to take advantage of it. We've had a dumpster in our driveway for nearly a month. We got it when we put in the hardwood floors and I kept it with intentions of going through nearly every room in our house to donate and throw away all of the excess c#@p we've collected over the past 12 years. It's top priority on the to do list today.

I wanted to give a quick update on the undies situation. If you read my last blog entry, you know that on last Saturday, Cole decided he wanted to wear undies to bed like Connor. He wore them Saturday night and I'm ELATED to report that he has worn undies every minute since then!!!! He has let us change his underwear each day and makes requests on whether he wants the John Deere or Harley Davidson undies. So far, the Harley ones are winning. In fact, I'm heading to the HD store today to see if I can buy 3-4 more packages! Cole specifically likes the ones with flames on them. You go Cole.

I don't think it's possible to express how relieved and proud I am. We have been working on potty training and underwear for years. I've read books, received professional help, made picture schedules, and nothing was working for Cole. Maybe it just had to be his idea? Either way, I'm cautiously optimistic that Cole will stay in his undies. They have to be a million times more comfortable than the size 4T Pull Ups he had been wearing. 

I thought I would also share a picture of his new room. The flooring turned out beautiful and Cole loves his new tractor wall decorations, bedding and fuzzy new rug. The wall padding has been wonderful. He has put his head through the sheet rock in his room countless times. The wall padding has made these blows softer for Cole's head and seems to be saving the walls. Someday we'll have to fix what is underneath the padding but that is the least of my worries right now.

Have a great weekend and enjoy the "warm" weather. I'm off to purge toys, clothes, and who knows what else. And then I'm going to the Harley store to buy more undies. I think Cole deserves every pair in the store.

My MVP

Today was a breakthrough day for Cole... a day Pat and I have been working toward and wanting for nearly five years. 

Last night the boys spent the night at my parent's house so we could have a night out. We had a great time. I called my parents early this morning to see how the night went (even though nights at either of the grandparents always go well). My dad informed me that right before bed, Cole told Grandpa that he was going to wear undies to bed; just like Connor. If you recall, about six weeks ago I made homemade John Deere undies for Cole and he only wore them for about one hour at grandpa's house. For some reason, last night something clicked for Cole. Sure enough, he put on his John Deere undies and wore them to bed. When he woke up, he still wanted the underwear on. I couldn't believe what my dad was telling me! What great progress. 

I picked up the boys and brought them home. I thought for sure Cole would change out of his underwear right when we got home, like he did last time. We were almost home and Cole started talking about how "The garbage man took Cole's Pull-ups and that he was going to go poo-poo in the potty and wear undies later." He went on to talk about how baby Ethan goes poop in his diaper, "but that's ok, he's little", Cole said. We got home and I crossed my fingers. 

I was unloading some things I got from Target and Cole asked me to switch the paper towel roll. He loves to do this but I knew we just put a new roll out the other day. A minute later, Cole came up to me and said, "Where's the toilet paper? Need to switch toilet paper?"  I got it, he wanted to go to the bathroom, but there was no toilet paper!!  I showed him where it was, we put a new roll on and he closed the door for privacy. When he was done, I wasn't sure if he would continue to wear the undies. Sure enough, he did. And he wore them all night long. He didn't have any accidents and acted as if he'd been wearing them for years.

I'm cautiously optimistic that I'll be able to convince him to change his undies and wear them tomorrow as well. Regardless of the outcome, today was a huge step for Cole-kind. I can't tell you how many times I've told myself that potty training and underwear were something Cole might never do. 

I don't care if that guy made a great catch late in the Super Bowl today.... I think, hands down, Cole deserves the MVP Award. 

And Connor deserves one too. We were at Pat's sister's house for a Super Bowl party. Connor was having a blast playing with his cousins. Cole did great, but after a few hours, his patience wore thin and we had to leave early. This is always hard on Connor. When we got home, Connor told Pat, "Daddy when you told me it was time to leave, I tried very hard and I didn't cry this time." Connor deserves the MVB (Most Valuable Brother). I think we could search the world over and never find a better brother for Cole. 

Cole; one very brave young boy

This past week, the time arrived for Cole to try three nights of respite care. Pat and I have been very stressed about sending Cole to the respite house, despite meeting the staff, touring the house, re-assurance from Cole's Case Manager, etc. It is impossible to put into words just how difficult it is to leave a vulnerable child out of your control. The statistics for abuse against these children are astounding. If something were to happen to Cole, he could never tell us and I could never live with myself.

Before we sent him there, I called the county to see if there were any reports on the house. I carefully interviewed the manager about all of the training and background check steps are taken with each staff member. I insisted on talking to other families who have children at the respite house. I had one of the staff members come to our house to meet Cole ahead of time. We even cancelled two times before actually sending him. 

Our case manager worked very hard to get additional funding for Cole to attend the respite house. It is un-Godly expensive; as in $440/day! The 42 days Cole is scheduled to go there this year will cost over $18,000. There was an opening (they are hard to come by) so we felt like it was time to give it a try. Worse case scenario, we try it once and never do it again. However, if it did go well, Pat, Connor and I would get to enjoy three days/nights to ourselves, once a month. 

I prepared the staff well. I filled out the intake form (with notes all in the margins) and even wrote my own intake form with all kinds of helpful information about Cole and what he likes to do for fun. To me, that was the key to respite success. If Cole has fun the first time around, he will be more cooperative the second time. If he is miserable, you probably won't get him out of the car for round two. I made a picture schedule for Cole so he could see exactly what was going to happen and when he would come home. I packed his favorite toys and snacks. I sent his John Deere blanket and pillow.

On Wednesday, our PCA Haley brought Cole to the respite house. He cried sad tears.... you know, the alligator kind. He was so sad. After about 20 minutes, Haley was able to leave and Cole even told her goodbye. I called to check in later that night, but the line was busy. I did get a call from the house at 10pm. Laura, the "house mom", called to say that Cole had settled down nicely but she was not calling with good news. My heart SANK. What was she going to tell me? She proceeded to tell me that Cole was sleeping in a chair, woke up out of his sleep and threw up everywhere. Even though he had only been at the house for 4-5 hours, I had to go get him. I got there, carried him to the truck and he threw up again. Poor Coley. 

Pat and I were so bummed. We didn't care that we had to get Cole. We were more concerned this happened on the first night. Why couldn't he have just been there for one night before this happened? We were certain he would never go back again. As we do so many times with Cole, we had to roll with it.

To top it off, Connor came to me in bed at 2am and he was wet. I went to pull him close to me and realized he smelled of throw up. He didn't even knew he threw up. I went to his bed and it was everywhere. Two kiddos with the flu in a 4 hour time span. Hey, at least we got it over in one shot!

The next day the kids woke up early, ready for the day. They recovered in record time. I kept them both at home, but had long-standing plans for a birthday tea with my mom, sister and niece. My dad graciously offered to watch the boys while us girls went to have tea and lunch. Right as I was walking out the door at my parents, the respite manager called to say she would love to have Cole back and offered to have a staff member come pick him up. This put a new spin on the day. I was down at my parents and Cole's things were up at home. The respite house was in between. We also had to figure out a way for the staff member to get Cole while I was not there and for me to get home to gather Cole's things and get them to the house without him seeing me. I literally said to my mom, "What would I do without such wonderful parents?"  They both helped out and everything went well to get Cole back to the respite house. 

Cole stayed at the respite house for two nights. Things went really well. He slept good, had fun and made us incredibly proud. We went as a family to pick him up on Saturday. It was so great to hold Cole and kiss him. He was so happy to see us. Cole took Connor's head in his hands and said, "want to go play with Connor". I will never forget it. I was so proud of our brave young boy. I can't imagine going to a house I've never seen, to stay for two nights with people I've never met. (I write that and shake my head in disbelief that we actually sent him). The staff was so wonderful. They told us everything they did with Cole and gave me four pages of hand written notes that detailed nearly every minute of his stay. I would consider it a success.

The first night Cole was gone was stressful for us. I thought about him constantly and didn't sleep well. Even though I knew things were going well, it was so hard to let go. The second night, we took Connor to dinner at Bonfire and came to the realization that the three of us do need "respite" from Cole. We need time to do "normal" things and things that aren't possible due to Cole's disability. Once again, our amazing case manager was right. 

On a side note, my prayers go out to the Fandre family. Wendy, 35, passed away last Monday from complications from a seizure and heart attack. She leaves behind two children and a husband. 

I also have a heavy heart for the Paul family. Dick Paul, my dad's best friend for many years, passed away unexpectedly on Saturday. My thoughts are with my dad and Dick's family as they mourn this tragic loss.

Cherish your loved ones. Life is more precious than we ever realize.

Rollercoaster Ride

  I don't like roller coasters, never have. Maybe it's an interesting metaphor for me- considering I feel like I'm always on one. It's the perfect way to describe our life with Cole. Climbing the ascent, free falling, whipping around a curve, upside down, holding on for dear life, scared, excited... you know the feelings. The tide can change so quickly in our house, at the drop of at hat. You never know what's coming next. Yes, it is a roller coaster ride.

Taking off, the exhilarating part...

Cole did really well with the transition to his new room. He has woken up every day since he got home asking if he still has his new floors. He loves the rug in his room, the wall padding and his new bedspread. I was nervous that he would be upset having been away from home for six days. Cole did really well when he came home. He was SO excited to see Connor. They have been attached at the hip ever since. They have literally been singing, dancing, and racing cars for days. 

I also got some really good feedback from the MN Autism Center (MAC) , where Cole just completed his first week of intensive ABA Therapy. He did really well. It's very intense, for Cole and our family. But it's going to be worth it. The therapists say Cole is doing great and adjusting well to the expectations placed on him. I had a discussion with the lead therapist about a plan to stop Cole's physically aggressive behaviors. I will go in early this week to get trained on the plan. We will more than likely need to keep Cole at MAC and/or home for a good 2-3 weeks until the behaviors end. During this time, MAC will send therapists to our home to oversee how well we implement the plan and offer assistance. These training sessions, etc. are mandatory and come up without warning. What a blessing that I am at home and able to hold up our end of this deal. 

I was enthused when the lead therapist told me that in his 14 years of doing this therapy, he has never seen a child with as much potential as Cole. He strongly feels that when we eliminate the aggressive behaviors and non-compliance issues, Cole's language and cognitive skills will soar. There is no guarantee, but we'll take any progress we can get! 

Hold on, we're coming into a curve...

On Saturday we attended a going away party for Pat's sister, Katie. She leaves Thursday to study for six months in the Netherlands. Friends and family gathered to wish her well. Cole had fun at the party, for a while. He danced, sang and played with his cousins. Slowly Cole's patience worn thin. Right as the party was getting into full swing, Cole reached his breaking point. He was mad, physically aggressive and constantly leaving the party area. We had no choice but to leave. Connor was heart broken. He was having a wonderful time with his cousins and the last thing he wanted to do was go home. We tried to have Connor hide, so we could leave with Cole and let Connor ride home with his Uncle. Cole got half way up the stairs and yelled for Connor. We knew it wouldn't work. Pat brought Cole to the truck and I went back to get Connor. It was so sad. Connor ran to me with tears in his eyes. I felt so bad for him. Autism just isn't fair. 

I got Connor to the truck and Cole was beside himself. We passed his breaking point and now it was tantrum time. Cole was smashing his head into the window, yelling, crying, kicking, etc. Connor was still crying and that made Cole even more mad. I had to sit in between the two kids to keep them both safe and safe for Pat to drive. The fits went on for ten minutes until we got the the Dairy Queen. Cole was happy with his purple (chocolate) cone and Connor got a root beer float. It's hard to put into words the intensity of the situation, but we were all in fright or flight mode. Thank God for DQ. It's times like this when we can't help but feel envious of people with all neuro-typical children. They have such freedom. We, on the other hand, are constantly at Cole's mercy. 

Only a few bumps....

Today went ok. We all played outside and even had a winter bonfire. Check out the pictures!! The hard thing again, was Cole not wanting to be one step away from Connor. Cole dictated everything they did. Cole was aggressive with us today. I was punched, pinched, scratched and kicked countless times- many times without knowing it was coming. It gets old and it's just not fair. We are anxious to hear what plan MAC has to stop this behavior. It would be a miracle in our eyes. 

*Please say a prayer for Wendy Fandre. I've known Wendy for almost 20 years. I played sports against her in high school. After that, we always worked out at the same health club and knew one another through mutual friends. Wendy, a 35 year old mother of two, had a massive heart attack last Monday. She had a pre-existing heart condition. Wendy was without oxygen for an extended period of time and as a result she has major brain damage. Doctors have told Wendy's family there is no chance she will ever recover. Today her family removed life support. Wendy is breathing on her own, but that is all her body is capable of. We don't know what the future holds, please keep her family in your prayers. caringbridge.org  wendy fandre  I've put her picture on my blog. 

Sadly, it is things like this that make you realize you have nothing to complain about. I may not always have it easy, but I am here. I love my life, my husband, kids and family. I cherish each day I get with them and I know that anything I get to do with them, good or bad, fun or not-so-fun... is a gift.