Saturday, January 14, 2012
retarted- what it really means
I saw this article posted on a blog and had to share it.
http://phoebeholmes.com/2011/12/23/being-retarded/
Monday, January 2, 2012
Peaks and Valleys
So much for honoring my promise to update more often. Yes, life once again has gotten in the way. Somehow, almost four months have flown right by. As the title of this entry suggests, we've had our share of peaks and valleys over the past few months.
Cole is doing great at his new school/therapy environment. He loves going to "academics" in the afternoons and still cherishes the one-on-one time with his therapists in the morning. We have visited Cole several times and he's worked hard to earn lunch visits from both Pat and I. Every time I visit, Cole is saying hi to all of the kids and staff. He has a nickname (one he's made up) for literally every person at MAC. And he also has a flirty way of tickling some of the female staff. When I was there, he went up to a gal and playfully tickled her elbow and said, "I'm getting your arm." He's very comfortable there and everyone lights up when he greets them.
One thing that's been a challenge is the rides to and from school. For some reason, Cole and another student on the van are not getting along real well. They tease each other, sometimes hit one another and often get loud and silly. It's been a challenge to say the least. Not to mention, the parents of the other child have called a few times to complain about Cole and how their child is reacting to the situation. It's hard because the other child is dropped off first, so by the time Cole gets home, he's calmed down and he's not emotional about anything that's happened. So we've tried REALLY hard to set up a reward system for Cole. We ask the driver each trip to and from how Cole has behaved. If he's "naughty", he does not get a tally mark and he loses a privilege at school. If he's good, he earns a tally mark toward a reward (lately it's been lunch dates and a visit to Santa). It seems to be working for the most part.
We had conferences for Cole a month ago. They could not have gone better. His teacher and therapists showed us Cole's report card. It was his first one ever, and he's in 5th grade. I've attached it to this entry so you can see how well he did. Of coarse it's relative to Cole and his goals, but we'll take the great progress and positive comments. When the teacher brought it out at the conference, I had to fight to keep my composure. I was SO PROUD of my not-so-little guy. There was a time when I never thought he would receive a report card, let alone one of this nature. I wanted to show it to the world.
They also showed us a lot of the academic work Cole has been doing. It's incredible. He's getting very high scores on his spelling tests, mostly perfect. He's reading and comprehending. And his math skills are significantly improving! He took a test on parts of the body and only got 1 wrong. It's so rewarding to see all of his hard work. And he's so proud of it. When he brought home his poster from when he was the Student of the Month, he went right into his room and pinned it to his wall. It's still there today.
The hard thing about transitioning to 1/2 day of school is that we've lost our in-home therapy sessions. It was at these sessions where we worked with a therapist on implementing Cole's behavioral plan, among many other things. Once a week we were given a lot of instruction, advise and help. Cole took it very seriously and now we don't have that anymore. Little things like cutting his toe nails, following through on stand up sit downs, wearing long sleeve shirts and doing academic work at home are all suffering.
We've seen an increase in Cole's aggression, non-compliance and silliness. We're trying hard to stay on plan, but it can be very difficult at times. He's getting so big (97 lbs) and strong (he can pick me up and carry me down the hallway). The change of seasons and even one day off from his typical routine can de-rail Cole for days. When you add this to the chaos of the holidays, it can be a disaster. As was Christmas Eve....
Christmas Eve was a valley for us this year. The day started out ok, but given the fact that we had absolutely no snow and Cole went through his list of normal home activities, his patience worn thin quickly. He was uptight all day, bossing us around, getting upset at the simplest thing and he was aggressive to all of us, including himself. Couple that with Pat and I trying to get ourselves ready, prepare food, pack up what seemed like 1/2 the house get out the door on time.
Pat left early with Cole and took him to get a treat at the gas station. The plan was for Connor and I to meet them at his parents (we take two cars so we have an "escape route" for when Cole needs to leave early). Pat got within 1/2 mile of his parents and Cole insisted on driving 20 minutes back home so we could all ride together. He was screaming in the car, kicking the seats and hitting himself. So Pat called me and turned the car around. We packed up the car, with Cole upset and controlling who drove and where we all sat in the car. We got to Pat's parents and Cole seemed pretty happy. He greeted everyone and we enjoyed some time before the chaos began. Once everyone arrived (there are 6 boys between the ages of 10 and 5), it got a little loud and hectic. As to be expected with six excited little boys and the adults prepping food and socializing. It's difficult to explain how and why, but Cole almost instantly got uptight and very short-tempered. He yelled a lot, threw things, made tons of demands and was very non-compliant. Pat and I literally took turns staying within a foot or two from him at all times. That meant virtually no adult conversations, missing the adult gift opening and laying on the floor with him in a back room of their basement.
All the while Connor is just settling into playing with his cousins and the new toys they received. They were excited and at times behaving as boy cousins do, there was some fighting and heightened voices, etc. This really upsets Cole. He wants Connor to play with him and when the cousins all get together, unfortunately Cole often gets left behind. And when voices get loud and kids act the way kids do, he gets even more upset. And so do we. It's hard not to and it's certainly not anyone's fault, but we are human and we too, have a breaking point.
So after trying hard to stay as long as we could, we quickly had to pack up our things, say quick goodbyes and head out. We tried to have Connor, Pat/Connor or me/Connor stay and get a ride home, but Cole threw a HUGE fit in the car at each suggestion. And I mean HUGE. You wouldn't believe it if you saw it. He was literally beside himself. So off we went, all upset, sad and disappointed. After Cole calmed down, the ride home was very quiet. I have to admit I was shedding some tears. Feeling sorry for myself or not, this just isn't fair. It's not the holidays I want for myself, my husband or my kids. And I'm not sure we'll ever find a solution.
As we were pulling into our development, Connor said to Cole in the sweetest voice ever, "Cole, you've done such a great job on the way home, I bet Santa will bring you a lot of presents." Then he asked me, "Mom, did I say the right thing to Cole?" Now if I wasn't crying already, this made it worse. How is it that we are blessed with a little boy who, after being hastily torn away from Christmas Eve with his family, is thinking more about his brother than himself or what just happened. I could only shake my head yes after he asked me twice. I was crying too hard to speak.
Christmas morning went pretty well. Santa brought lots of wonderful presents for the boys and Cole was really excited to play with his new toys. We made a nice breakfast and hung out for a while. But then again, Cole had gone through his list of things to do and was bored and full of anxiety about when people would be coming to our house (and we had 4+ hours to go!). So again he was very short-tempered, mad, mean and non-compliant. Again we had to take turns staying within a few feet of him while trying to get ready and prep for a house full of guests. At one point, I considered telling our family to go on without us and move it to someone else's house. Yes, it was that tough. But we powered through it and after people started to arrive and Cole's energy tuckered out, he calmed down and behaved quite well. He had a great time opening gifts and loved going ice skating on the pond with his family. He learned to self-regulate and although he didn't sit with us at dinner, we got to enjoy it uninterrupted while he played the Wii downstairs.
A peak happened a few days later when we went to Pinz with Pat's extended family. Again, we were expecting a tough go, so we drove separately. Turns out we didn't need to!! Cole did fantastic. He arrived with Pat's parents and after getting lost, we arrived a short time later. Cole was super excited to bowl with his cousins and talk to the other family members. He got excited at times, but he worked very hard so he could "earn" a game of laser tag. It was nice. Pat got to chat with his family for quite a while and I got to make a few rounds myself. Toward the end, we even stepped away from the bowling lane and let Cole bowl a few times by himself. He had a great time and loved playing laser tag. It was a huge success!! Just look at the cute picture of Cole with all of the 2nd cousins on the Niemczyk side!
Our new year was pretty low-key. We hung out at home with the kids and didn't do anything exciting. Cole was thrilled when we actually got a little bit of snow. He was out in full force, plowing the driveway and street. Then he came in and crashed. I don't think any of us made it to see the ball drop. Sleep is more important when you're oldest wakes up around 6am, firing on all cylinders!
I hope our Christmas experience makes you realize what is truly important about the holidays- sharing QUALITY time with your loved ones. Don't take it for granted if it comes easy to you and at your free will. Unfortunately this isn't in the cards for our family. Maybe one day it will be, but sadly these days are typically the toughest for Cole and us. I honestly would give back every single gift I received if I could have enjoyed the company of my family and had the pleasure to watch my boys play with their toys and cousins.
God Bless and Happy New Year!
Cole is doing great at his new school/therapy environment. He loves going to "academics" in the afternoons and still cherishes the one-on-one time with his therapists in the morning. We have visited Cole several times and he's worked hard to earn lunch visits from both Pat and I. Every time I visit, Cole is saying hi to all of the kids and staff. He has a nickname (one he's made up) for literally every person at MAC. And he also has a flirty way of tickling some of the female staff. When I was there, he went up to a gal and playfully tickled her elbow and said, "I'm getting your arm." He's very comfortable there and everyone lights up when he greets them.
One thing that's been a challenge is the rides to and from school. For some reason, Cole and another student on the van are not getting along real well. They tease each other, sometimes hit one another and often get loud and silly. It's been a challenge to say the least. Not to mention, the parents of the other child have called a few times to complain about Cole and how their child is reacting to the situation. It's hard because the other child is dropped off first, so by the time Cole gets home, he's calmed down and he's not emotional about anything that's happened. So we've tried REALLY hard to set up a reward system for Cole. We ask the driver each trip to and from how Cole has behaved. If he's "naughty", he does not get a tally mark and he loses a privilege at school. If he's good, he earns a tally mark toward a reward (lately it's been lunch dates and a visit to Santa). It seems to be working for the most part.
We had conferences for Cole a month ago. They could not have gone better. His teacher and therapists showed us Cole's report card. It was his first one ever, and he's in 5th grade. I've attached it to this entry so you can see how well he did. Of coarse it's relative to Cole and his goals, but we'll take the great progress and positive comments. When the teacher brought it out at the conference, I had to fight to keep my composure. I was SO PROUD of my not-so-little guy. There was a time when I never thought he would receive a report card, let alone one of this nature. I wanted to show it to the world.
They also showed us a lot of the academic work Cole has been doing. It's incredible. He's getting very high scores on his spelling tests, mostly perfect. He's reading and comprehending. And his math skills are significantly improving! He took a test on parts of the body and only got 1 wrong. It's so rewarding to see all of his hard work. And he's so proud of it. When he brought home his poster from when he was the Student of the Month, he went right into his room and pinned it to his wall. It's still there today.
The hard thing about transitioning to 1/2 day of school is that we've lost our in-home therapy sessions. It was at these sessions where we worked with a therapist on implementing Cole's behavioral plan, among many other things. Once a week we were given a lot of instruction, advise and help. Cole took it very seriously and now we don't have that anymore. Little things like cutting his toe nails, following through on stand up sit downs, wearing long sleeve shirts and doing academic work at home are all suffering.
We've seen an increase in Cole's aggression, non-compliance and silliness. We're trying hard to stay on plan, but it can be very difficult at times. He's getting so big (97 lbs) and strong (he can pick me up and carry me down the hallway). The change of seasons and even one day off from his typical routine can de-rail Cole for days. When you add this to the chaos of the holidays, it can be a disaster. As was Christmas Eve....
Christmas Eve was a valley for us this year. The day started out ok, but given the fact that we had absolutely no snow and Cole went through his list of normal home activities, his patience worn thin quickly. He was uptight all day, bossing us around, getting upset at the simplest thing and he was aggressive to all of us, including himself. Couple that with Pat and I trying to get ourselves ready, prepare food, pack up what seemed like 1/2 the house get out the door on time.
Pat left early with Cole and took him to get a treat at the gas station. The plan was for Connor and I to meet them at his parents (we take two cars so we have an "escape route" for when Cole needs to leave early). Pat got within 1/2 mile of his parents and Cole insisted on driving 20 minutes back home so we could all ride together. He was screaming in the car, kicking the seats and hitting himself. So Pat called me and turned the car around. We packed up the car, with Cole upset and controlling who drove and where we all sat in the car. We got to Pat's parents and Cole seemed pretty happy. He greeted everyone and we enjoyed some time before the chaos began. Once everyone arrived (there are 6 boys between the ages of 10 and 5), it got a little loud and hectic. As to be expected with six excited little boys and the adults prepping food and socializing. It's difficult to explain how and why, but Cole almost instantly got uptight and very short-tempered. He yelled a lot, threw things, made tons of demands and was very non-compliant. Pat and I literally took turns staying within a foot or two from him at all times. That meant virtually no adult conversations, missing the adult gift opening and laying on the floor with him in a back room of their basement.
All the while Connor is just settling into playing with his cousins and the new toys they received. They were excited and at times behaving as boy cousins do, there was some fighting and heightened voices, etc. This really upsets Cole. He wants Connor to play with him and when the cousins all get together, unfortunately Cole often gets left behind. And when voices get loud and kids act the way kids do, he gets even more upset. And so do we. It's hard not to and it's certainly not anyone's fault, but we are human and we too, have a breaking point.
So after trying hard to stay as long as we could, we quickly had to pack up our things, say quick goodbyes and head out. We tried to have Connor, Pat/Connor or me/Connor stay and get a ride home, but Cole threw a HUGE fit in the car at each suggestion. And I mean HUGE. You wouldn't believe it if you saw it. He was literally beside himself. So off we went, all upset, sad and disappointed. After Cole calmed down, the ride home was very quiet. I have to admit I was shedding some tears. Feeling sorry for myself or not, this just isn't fair. It's not the holidays I want for myself, my husband or my kids. And I'm not sure we'll ever find a solution.
As we were pulling into our development, Connor said to Cole in the sweetest voice ever, "Cole, you've done such a great job on the way home, I bet Santa will bring you a lot of presents." Then he asked me, "Mom, did I say the right thing to Cole?" Now if I wasn't crying already, this made it worse. How is it that we are blessed with a little boy who, after being hastily torn away from Christmas Eve with his family, is thinking more about his brother than himself or what just happened. I could only shake my head yes after he asked me twice. I was crying too hard to speak.
Christmas morning went pretty well. Santa brought lots of wonderful presents for the boys and Cole was really excited to play with his new toys. We made a nice breakfast and hung out for a while. But then again, Cole had gone through his list of things to do and was bored and full of anxiety about when people would be coming to our house (and we had 4+ hours to go!). So again he was very short-tempered, mad, mean and non-compliant. Again we had to take turns staying within a few feet of him while trying to get ready and prep for a house full of guests. At one point, I considered telling our family to go on without us and move it to someone else's house. Yes, it was that tough. But we powered through it and after people started to arrive and Cole's energy tuckered out, he calmed down and behaved quite well. He had a great time opening gifts and loved going ice skating on the pond with his family. He learned to self-regulate and although he didn't sit with us at dinner, we got to enjoy it uninterrupted while he played the Wii downstairs.
A peak happened a few days later when we went to Pinz with Pat's extended family. Again, we were expecting a tough go, so we drove separately. Turns out we didn't need to!! Cole did fantastic. He arrived with Pat's parents and after getting lost, we arrived a short time later. Cole was super excited to bowl with his cousins and talk to the other family members. He got excited at times, but he worked very hard so he could "earn" a game of laser tag. It was nice. Pat got to chat with his family for quite a while and I got to make a few rounds myself. Toward the end, we even stepped away from the bowling lane and let Cole bowl a few times by himself. He had a great time and loved playing laser tag. It was a huge success!! Just look at the cute picture of Cole with all of the 2nd cousins on the Niemczyk side!
Our new year was pretty low-key. We hung out at home with the kids and didn't do anything exciting. Cole was thrilled when we actually got a little bit of snow. He was out in full force, plowing the driveway and street. Then he came in and crashed. I don't think any of us made it to see the ball drop. Sleep is more important when you're oldest wakes up around 6am, firing on all cylinders!
I hope our Christmas experience makes you realize what is truly important about the holidays- sharing QUALITY time with your loved ones. Don't take it for granted if it comes easy to you and at your free will. Unfortunately this isn't in the cards for our family. Maybe one day it will be, but sadly these days are typically the toughest for Cole and us. I honestly would give back every single gift I received if I could have enjoyed the company of my family and had the pleasure to watch my boys play with their toys and cousins.
God Bless and Happy New Year!
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