Cole; one very brave young boy

This past week, the time arrived for Cole to try three nights of respite care. Pat and I have been very stressed about sending Cole to the respite house, despite meeting the staff, touring the house, re-assurance from Cole's Case Manager, etc. It is impossible to put into words just how difficult it is to leave a vulnerable child out of your control. The statistics for abuse against these children are astounding. If something were to happen to Cole, he could never tell us and I could never live with myself.

Before we sent him there, I called the county to see if there were any reports on the house. I carefully interviewed the manager about all of the training and background check steps are taken with each staff member. I insisted on talking to other families who have children at the respite house. I had one of the staff members come to our house to meet Cole ahead of time. We even cancelled two times before actually sending him. 

Our case manager worked very hard to get additional funding for Cole to attend the respite house. It is un-Godly expensive; as in $440/day! The 42 days Cole is scheduled to go there this year will cost over $18,000. There was an opening (they are hard to come by) so we felt like it was time to give it a try. Worse case scenario, we try it once and never do it again. However, if it did go well, Pat, Connor and I would get to enjoy three days/nights to ourselves, once a month. 

I prepared the staff well. I filled out the intake form (with notes all in the margins) and even wrote my own intake form with all kinds of helpful information about Cole and what he likes to do for fun. To me, that was the key to respite success. If Cole has fun the first time around, he will be more cooperative the second time. If he is miserable, you probably won't get him out of the car for round two. I made a picture schedule for Cole so he could see exactly what was going to happen and when he would come home. I packed his favorite toys and snacks. I sent his John Deere blanket and pillow.

On Wednesday, our PCA Haley brought Cole to the respite house. He cried sad tears.... you know, the alligator kind. He was so sad. After about 20 minutes, Haley was able to leave and Cole even told her goodbye. I called to check in later that night, but the line was busy. I did get a call from the house at 10pm. Laura, the "house mom", called to say that Cole had settled down nicely but she was not calling with good news. My heart SANK. What was she going to tell me? She proceeded to tell me that Cole was sleeping in a chair, woke up out of his sleep and threw up everywhere. Even though he had only been at the house for 4-5 hours, I had to go get him. I got there, carried him to the truck and he threw up again. Poor Coley. 

Pat and I were so bummed. We didn't care that we had to get Cole. We were more concerned this happened on the first night. Why couldn't he have just been there for one night before this happened? We were certain he would never go back again. As we do so many times with Cole, we had to roll with it.

To top it off, Connor came to me in bed at 2am and he was wet. I went to pull him close to me and realized he smelled of throw up. He didn't even knew he threw up. I went to his bed and it was everywhere. Two kiddos with the flu in a 4 hour time span. Hey, at least we got it over in one shot!

The next day the kids woke up early, ready for the day. They recovered in record time. I kept them both at home, but had long-standing plans for a birthday tea with my mom, sister and niece. My dad graciously offered to watch the boys while us girls went to have tea and lunch. Right as I was walking out the door at my parents, the respite manager called to say she would love to have Cole back and offered to have a staff member come pick him up. This put a new spin on the day. I was down at my parents and Cole's things were up at home. The respite house was in between. We also had to figure out a way for the staff member to get Cole while I was not there and for me to get home to gather Cole's things and get them to the house without him seeing me. I literally said to my mom, "What would I do without such wonderful parents?"  They both helped out and everything went well to get Cole back to the respite house. 

Cole stayed at the respite house for two nights. Things went really well. He slept good, had fun and made us incredibly proud. We went as a family to pick him up on Saturday. It was so great to hold Cole and kiss him. He was so happy to see us. Cole took Connor's head in his hands and said, "want to go play with Connor". I will never forget it. I was so proud of our brave young boy. I can't imagine going to a house I've never seen, to stay for two nights with people I've never met. (I write that and shake my head in disbelief that we actually sent him). The staff was so wonderful. They told us everything they did with Cole and gave me four pages of hand written notes that detailed nearly every minute of his stay. I would consider it a success.

The first night Cole was gone was stressful for us. I thought about him constantly and didn't sleep well. Even though I knew things were going well, it was so hard to let go. The second night, we took Connor to dinner at Bonfire and came to the realization that the three of us do need "respite" from Cole. We need time to do "normal" things and things that aren't possible due to Cole's disability. Once again, our amazing case manager was right. 

On a side note, my prayers go out to the Fandre family. Wendy, 35, passed away last Monday from complications from a seizure and heart attack. She leaves behind two children and a husband. 

I also have a heavy heart for the Paul family. Dick Paul, my dad's best friend for many years, passed away unexpectedly on Saturday. My thoughts are with my dad and Dick's family as they mourn this tragic loss.

Cherish your loved ones. Life is more precious than we ever realize.