Cole is "sad"

Thank you to all of the well-wishers regarding Cole's dentist appointment on Monday. For those of you who don't know, the dentist is one of the most challenging things we face with Cole. We've gotten him there a few times, but it was horrendous. They had to put him in a velcro straight jacket and we had to all hold him down while Cole kicked, screamed and through the biggest tantrum I'm ever seen. He was literally sweating when he was done and I was brought to tears. He had some cavities, so it we decided he would be put under at the hospital for the procedure. He did ok, but right when they woke him up, he tore the IVs out of his arm and tried running out. The next time we brought him to the dentist, he only went in the building because he thought he was going to see his other doctor (who is in the same building). When we stopped at the dentist office, he refused to go in and literally slammed his head on the floor and against the brick walls in the building. We can't drive down University Avenue in Fridley without Cole filling with anxiety and pleading, "no dentist today, NO DENTIST". This has brought us to where we are now.

For Cole's last two appointment "attempts", we've tried two different medications to calm his anxiety and make the dentist appointment possible. The first medication did not phase Cole what-so-ever. My dad, Cole and I tried to go to the dentist, but once we turned onto Able Street, he knew where we were going and through a tantrum in the car. As a mom, there are just some things you aren't willing to put your child through and this was one of them. We called the dentist, explained the situation and said we would make another attempt again soon. 

We met with Cole's Autism doctor earlier this fall. We told him about this situation and he prescribed a medication he was certain would do the trick. In fact, he said to give Cole 1 dose an hour before the appointment and if by chance it didn't take, to give him the second dose 20 minutes later. He didn't think Cole would even need the second dose. The doctor thought Cole would become very calm and nearly sedated. So yesterday I picked up Cole from school and we did the usual.... we drove his specific way so we could ride over the bridge and bumps (it only took me 10+ trips to get him to figure out the way he liked; prior to that the rides home were a tantrum-filled disaster). I gave him the first dose of medicine, conspicuously disguised in a "circle cracker". He ate it without hesitation- woo hoo!  After 20 minutes I knew the medicine hadn't done anything. I gave him the second dose and drove to my parents to see what would happen. Cole was happy as could be and as the time came to leave for the dentist, he hadn't calmed down or changed one bit. Again, we had to cancel the appointment. Only this time, I didn't even try to drive there. I knew not to. 

So we played outside (yes, outside) and talked with Grandpa until Grammie got home. We had a nice visit until all of the sudden Cole started to cry and say he was sad. This is very unusual for Cole. His cry almost always an "I'm really upset or frustrated cry", not an "I'm sad/alligator tears cry". At first I wasn't too concerned, but when it didn't stop after a few minutes, I looked at my dad and said, "I think he's having some kind of reaction to the medicine." Grandpa agreed. This crying went on for at least 90 minutes. Cole must have said 100 times, "Cole is sad. I'm sad." He would ask to snuggle and then walk away. He didn't know what to do, how to be consoled or control what he was feeling. It was very hard to watch. He was flushed from so much crying and he didn't know what to do. We tried to get him in the truck to leave but he wouldn't go. Grandpa Denny even found his John Deere tractor manual and that couldn't make Cole happy. 

Finally a trip to the Dairy queen is what got Cole in the truck.  He cried all the way to the DQ but was content once he got his purple cone (chocolate). The crying and sadness lessened as the night wore on and finally he fell asleep. 

It made me so sad to see Cole in this condition. So many things aren't easy and fair for him, this was just another one of those days. There are many times when I wish I could just trade places with him, for so many reasons. I just wish I knew what it was like to live inside his unique body. I love you Cole and thanks for being you.