I have many good things to report and I will share them on my next entry. This entry, however, will be one that shows the darker side of having a child with Autism. I contemplated even publishing this post. I love Cole dearly and it's incredibly difficult for me to share his challenging behaviors. But this is reality for us and my goal with this blog is to share the reality of living with Autism. The reality isn't pretty at times. Times like this make me realize how badly we need to find a cause and a cure for this disability.
My day started out good. Cole is always happy on Tuesdays- it's the day I come to MAC for our weekly family skills training session. I dropped Connor off at school and headed to MAC. Right before I got there, I listened to my voicemail and learned that our PCA was ill. With Pat traveling for work, I would have to pick up Cole from Grandma and Grandpa Schusted's house and take him to swim lessons. No big deal. I was actually looking forward to seeing Cole at his lessons, especially after hearing about the great progress he has made.
I got to Schusted's and Cole was ready to go. I managed to chat with Al and Eileen for a short while but had to cut it short as Cole wanted to leave. Cole insisted he didn't want to go to swim lessons. He wanted to go home and play. I really wanted to see Cole swim and at the advice of the therapist at MAC, I needed to follow through on this demand.
After a pit stop at McDonald's, Cole was willing to go to Foss. He was excited!! The lesson went awesome. Cole has improved SO MUCH since the last time I sat in on a lesson (we almost always have a PCA take him since Cole tends not to cooperate for us). I took some video of him swimming and simply was amazed at his progress.
After the lesson, Cole showered off and then we went in to change. He took off his suit and I started to dry him off. He was naked and tried to go outside the stall to dry his hair in the dryer. I had to physically stop him. He got mad and punched me. I immediately did the stand up, sit down technique. Thankfully, he let me help him with his clothes and then he dried his hair.
Upon arriving at home, Cole wanted to play outside. It was about 8:00, so the light of day was slipping by. Cole, Connor and I played outside for a short while. Cole got to use the tiller and he and Connor rode their scooters around the driveway. They even had time to play on the swing set. I had given the boys several reminders as to when it would be time to go inside.
Suddenly, as I was about to bring the boys inside, Cole said he wanted to ride his bike to see the neighbor's water fountain. The house is about 1/2 mile down the block. I told Cole it was getting dark and that we would go to the fountain on Wednesday. To say the least, it didn't go over well. Cole instantly went into fright or flight mode. To say this is a tantrum is an understatement.
This all happened so fast that it is hard for me to recall the exact details. All of the following things happened within a 15 minute time span, without stopping: Cole slammed his head into my Tahoe and dented it, he punched me several times, scratched me up and down my arms so hard that it drew blood, he slammed his head on the floor, attempted to hit Connor, punched me again, rammed his head against the floor, threw water all over the living room, slammed his door, screamed, jumped on furniture, kicked me, screamed more, punched more and then finally had no more energy. After each incident, I had to do a stand up, sit down (SU/SD). Right when I would finish one SU/SD, Cole would do something else to act out. I was alone and in pain, Connor was scared and Cole was out of control... all because I told him it was too dark to go to the fountain.
With all due respect, when parents of non-Autistic children complain about their child's tantrums, I cringe inside. I admit it, it's hard for me to feel sorry for them. Then again, it is all relative... they haven't walked in my shoes. It's no different than people who have it more difficult than I do.
People may wonder why we give in to Cole at times. The answer is in the story above. If we tell him no when he is absolutely set on something, this is often the reaction we get. It's difficult.
I'm up for this challenge. God gave Cole to Pat and I for a reason. The progress he makes is incredibly rewarding. But I have to admit that on nights like this, I am only human and I wonder how to handle it. Focus on the positive... that is the answer. It's my mantra.
Take a look at this video of Cole swimming tonight, I've watched it several times and it's helped to bring me lots of smiles.
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