Brag about my boy

Spring has made Cole one happy young man. I can't stress just how much Cole loves to be outside. He has been tilling with Grandpa Denny's mini-tiller. Cole has found just the spot in our yard where the grass never grows. He took it upon himself to start digging and tilling the dirt. It's made quite the mess, but that is ok with us! Cole has also been driving his battery-operated John Deere tractor around the yard. He thinks he's mowing it just like Dad does. He'll back up when Pat does and speed up and slow down to synch up with him. It's so cute to watch. We also go on tons of bike and scooter rides. The one challenge we are having is that Cole thinks it's ok for him to take off on his bike and ride the 1/8 mile up to the park in our neighborhood. He moves very fast and there have been a few times when he's "escaped". Luckily we are on top of the situation and we know where to find him. 

Cole also loves to take me for walks in the woods. We are fortunate to have a big yard filled with tons of trees. Cole thinks it's a big woods and we walk all through the trees and brush, looking for deer, bunnies, squirrels and other fun things. It has been so nice to be able to let the boys play outside and enjoy the fun that comes with springtime. 

What has been even better is Cole's ability to tell us what he wants to do. He asks to interact with us, to do what he's doing and what he's been up to. We marvel at how much his speech continues to progress. It is nothing short of miraculous. The other night I told Cole it was time for bed. He complied so well and when I kissed him goodnight, he looked at me and asked. "Are you going to go to bed, too?". I said, "Maybe in a little while.". Cole replied, "Maybe you'll go to bed at three?!"  Cole has been having a lot of good conversations with our neighbor, Jared. He's asked Jared about his tractor, about when he plans to mow next and other "interesting" things. He greets Jared appropriately and other than the fact the conversation may not be socially appropriate, it is a good conversation from an expressive language standpoint. I could go on and on with examples... and there was a time when I couldn't imagine Cole saying, "I want juice."

Last weekend I had a great day with Cole. It was the 4th Annual MN Autism Center walk around Lake Calhoun. For those of you who recall last Saturday, the winds and temperature were both around 40. We bundled up in winter gear and headed to the lake. Pat left in the morning for a 4-day fishing trip up north, so the boys and I met up with other family members. It was so nice of them to come out on such a cold and blustery day to support Cole and MAC. Cole did AWESOME. We walked all the way around the lake, 3 miles to be exact! The first two miles were very hard. The wind was coming across the lake and slamming into us with water particles mixed in. Not one person complained, although I think the wind was too busy taking their breath away! We took turns pushing Ethan's stroller; I think that was Cole's favorite part. MAC had several stops set up around the lake and Cole would take it upon himself to greet the workers. Of coarse he knew them all by name. Soon enough, we made our way to the west side of the lake and it was like an entirely different day! The sun was shining and the winds were no longer pushing against us. We could not believe how well Cole did. For the first time, I didn't have to be stressed about him staying on the path and out of the water. He followed the group and really enjoyed himself. He even found a way to snuggle me while we were walking. I was so proud of him. 

After the walk, we all went to Noodles & Co for lunch. Pat and I very seldom take Cole out to restaurants. It is simply too hard. I think we've done it maybe 1-2 times in the past year. Given the day Cole was having, I wanted to give it a try. We got our food and Cole sat with everyone at the table. Cole was incredibly well behaved. He sat nicely and patiently, eating his spaghetti. I had to spend more time keeping Connor in his seat than I did keeping Cole on task. That was a first!!! It was such a pleasant way to finish the walk. 

Finally it was time to meet Haley the PCA. We met at the movie theater and Cole hopped in her car without hesitation. He did so, knowing she was going to drop him off at the respite house later in the afternoon. Cole had looked over his picture schedule a few times that week and he was well-prepared for the few days that were ahead. Thank God for BoardMaker!!!!

That night, Grandma Schusted watched Connor. I had some high school girl friends over for drinks and appetizers. It was so fun. We had a nice time catching up and enjoying ourselves. I picked up Connor early the next morning and took him to church; something we can't always do when Cole is home. 

On Monday the weather was beautiful. Connor and I decided to go to Cole's Miracle League baseball game. I wasn't sure how Cole would react to seeing me there. I took the chance. He wasn't scheduled to come home from the respite house until Wednesday. I missed him and wanted to see him. Cole and Charolette from the house got to the game a little late, so I was in the stands when he arrived. Cole noticed me right away. He looked my way and gave me a wave. I went over and gave him a few hugs and kisses. He looked at me right away and said, "I'll see you on Wednesday. I'll come home Wednesday." WOW!!! 

Sure enough, after the game we all walked out to our cars together. Cole gave us more hugs and kisses. He left with Charolette and didn't say one word about not being able to come home. I couldn't believe it. It tells me how much he must like the respite house and just how much those picture schedules help him. 

Cole got home on Wednesday night and we've been having so much fun ever since. He has been so happy and cuddly. Cole and Connor even had a pretend sword fight today! He loves us all so much, it's so obvious. I wish I could put into words just how proud I am of my little boy. With the tools he has to work with, he has accomplished amazing things. Sure, we have a lot of challenges, but to see each little victory and improvement is more rewarding than anything I've ever done in my life. I'm so lucky to have that. Cole is my guy and I love him more than words could possibly convey.

Happy Memorial Day to all! Thanks to our dedicated troops.

Things have been good!

I hope all of you Mothers out there had a wonderful Mother's Day. I had a great Mother's Day weekend. I'm so thankful for the three amazing boys in my life.

As usual, Mother's Day weekend was also the same time as the fishing opener. Pat had plans to go fishing all day on Saturday. I had a PCA scheduled to work for a few hours on Saturday. I knew this would help break up the day for both Cole and myself. Unfortunately, the PCA had been sick since Tuesday and she could not work on Saturday. When I told Cole this on Friday night, he immediately asked to go see Grandma Schusted and go with her to the mall. In fact, he wanted to go that night. We called Eileen right away and she said she would watch Cole for a while on Saturday. Thank God for helpful and understanding grandparents!

The boys and I did several things on Saturday. We started out going to Menard's. Cole loves that store. He wanted me to take him to the store in Coon Rapids because it has an elevator. He behaved really well and had a great time looking at air compressors, lawn mowers and other fun things. Cole picked out a chocolate candy bar as a treat and he waited patiently while we checked out. Then it was off to Coon Creek Park. We had a fun time there. It is a beautiful park with so many things to do. The boys played so nicely together at the playground. They laughed while swinging and playing on the equipment. The park has a bridge over a creek and a nice long walking path. We threw rocks in the creek, ran on the bridge and took a long walk together. The boys held hands and pointed out birds in the sky. It was wonderful. Cole and Connor cooperated so well when it was time to leave. The day was off to a great start!

After dropping off Connor at gymnastics, Cole and I stopped at home and played. Then it was time to take him to Grandma Schusted's house. Cole was so excited to go to the mall with her. When we got there, he looked at me and said, "Cole stay here. You go." Cole had a great time with Grandma and Grandpa. They took him to Rosedale mall. Cole took them on his usual route- elevators, bookstore, DQ, more elevators, etc. Cole could easily have a job as tour guide of Rosedale, Southdale and the Mall of America!

Soon enough, Cole was back at home and the three of us had a fun time playing. The weather was nice and the boys were being so well behaved. Cole got to use Grandpa Denny's tiller and Cole raked his "garden". We rode our bikes to the park a few times and mowed the grass. It was such a nice day, an early Mother's Day present for me. Sometimes these days can be hard; when you are by yourself with both boys. Times like this probably don't phase most families, but in our family, things can get rough when you're out numbered, especially for a long period of time. I was so thankful the day went so well. I was glad Pat got to enjoy a day on the water with his brother, my dad and brother. 

On Sunday, I woke up to a host of cards and gifts. It was so nice. I'm so thankful to have such a wonderful husband and two of the best little boys on the planet. Pat took the boys outside so I could shower and get ready in peace. I then took Connor with me to the Mother's Day brunch at Majestic Oaks. We met my family there and had a fun time. I laughed at Connor, who despite a HUGE room full of food, chose bacon and cinnamon rolls! Pat tried to get Cole to go to his parent's house, but today Cole wasn't having it. Instead, he insisted on going to Grandpa Denny's. In fact, Pat and Cole were waiting in the driveway when Grandpa and Grandma got home from brunch! 

We spent some time at the Cooney's and Pat was able to visit his mom for a while. We met at home later on and enjoyed a nice evening together. The weekend truly was great. I was so very thankful, as some of my past Mother's Days have not gone nearly as well. 

On Monday, Cole played in his second Miracle League game of the season and he hit the ball all by himself (without the tee) for the first time. Check out the video!!!

We are excited for this Saturday. Our families are doing the MN Autism Center walk around Lake Calhoun on Saturday. It should be a fun time and a great opportunity to raise money for the Autism Center. It will be interesting to see how far Cole and Connor will walk, the lake is 3 miles around! After that, Cole will meet up with his PCA, Haley, who will drop him off at the respite house for his fifth stay there. 

Last night I officially became a hockey mom. Connor wanted to try Intro Mites after taking ice skating lessons this spring. He did a great job and had so much fun showing his skills. I feel like I grew up in a hockey arena, so this is familiar territory for me!

We are hoping the weather holds out so Pat can enjoy some time away fishing, while Cole is at the respite house. I plan to host a gathering for close friends on Saturday and enjoy quality time with Connor on the other days. 

Have a great weekend everyone and Happy Mother's Day to all of you mothers out there. There is no more important job in this world. 

I'll take a "normal" child's tantrum any day

Tonight was rough. 

I have many good things to report and I will share them on my next entry. This entry, however, will be one that shows the darker side of having a child with Autism. I contemplated even publishing this post. I love Cole dearly and it's incredibly difficult for me to share his challenging behaviors. But this is reality for us and my goal with this blog is to share the reality of living with Autism. The reality isn't pretty at times. Times like this make me realize how badly we need to find a cause and a cure for this disability.

My day started out good. Cole is always happy on Tuesdays- it's the day I come to MAC for our weekly family skills training session. I dropped Connor off at school and headed to MAC. Right before I got there, I listened to my voicemail and learned that our PCA was ill. With Pat traveling for work, I would have to pick up Cole from Grandma and Grandpa Schusted's house and take him to swim lessons. No big deal. I was actually looking forward to seeing Cole at his lessons, especially after hearing about the great progress he has made. 

I got to Schusted's and Cole was ready to go. I managed to chat with Al and Eileen for a short while but had to cut it short as Cole wanted to leave. Cole insisted he didn't want to go to swim lessons. He wanted to go home and play. I really wanted to see Cole swim and at the advice of the therapist at MAC, I needed to follow through on this demand. 

After a pit stop at McDonald's, Cole was willing to go to Foss. He was excited!! The lesson went awesome. Cole has improved SO MUCH since the last time I sat in on a lesson (we almost always have a PCA take him since Cole tends not to cooperate for us). I took some video of him swimming and simply was amazed at his progress. 

After the lesson, Cole showered off and then we went in to change. He took off his suit and I started to dry him off. He was naked and tried to go outside the stall to dry his hair in the dryer. I had to physically stop him. He got mad and punched me. I immediately did the stand up, sit down technique. Thankfully, he let me help him with his clothes and then he dried his hair. 

Upon arriving at home, Cole wanted to play outside. It was about 8:00, so the light of day was slipping by. Cole, Connor and I played outside for a short while. Cole got to use the tiller and he and Connor rode their scooters around the driveway. They even had time to play on the swing set. I had given the boys several reminders as to when it would be time to go inside. 

Suddenly, as I was about to bring the boys inside, Cole said he wanted to ride his bike to see the neighbor's water fountain. The house is about 1/2 mile down the block. I told Cole it was getting dark and that we would go to the fountain on Wednesday. To say the least, it didn't go over well. Cole instantly went into fright or flight mode. To say this is a tantrum is an understatement. 

This all happened so fast that it is hard for me to recall the exact details. All of the following things happened within a 15 minute time span, without stopping: Cole slammed his head into my Tahoe and dented it, he punched me several times, scratched me up and down my arms so hard that it drew blood, he slammed his head on the floor, attempted to hit Connor, punched me again, rammed his head against the floor, threw water all over the living room, slammed his door, screamed, jumped on furniture, kicked me, screamed more, punched more and then finally had no more energy. After each incident, I had to do a stand up, sit down (SU/SD). Right when I would finish one SU/SD, Cole would do something else to act out. I was alone and in pain, Connor was scared and Cole was out of control... all because I told him it was too dark to go to the fountain.

With all due respect, when parents of non-Autistic children complain about their child's tantrums, I cringe inside. I admit it, it's hard for me to feel sorry for them. Then again, it is all relative... they haven't walked in my shoes. It's no different than people who have it more difficult than I do. 

People may wonder why we give in to Cole at times. The answer is in the story above. If we tell him no when he is absolutely set on something, this is often the reaction we get. It's difficult.

I'm up for this challenge. God gave Cole to Pat and I for a reason. The progress he makes is incredibly rewarding. But I have to admit that on nights like this, I am only human and I wonder how to handle it. Focus on the positive... that is the answer. It's my mantra.

Take a look at this video of Cole swimming tonight, I've watched it several times and it's helped to bring me lots of smiles.