I want to start out my blog by sharing an experience of one of my Facebook friends. My "friend" Laura A. requested me to be her friend a few months back. I didn't recognize her name and as it turns out, I've never met Laura. She reached out to me saying her family was new to MN and she was trying to get connected to other parents of Autistic children. I accepted her request and I've gotten to know quite a bit about Laura and her son, Ben. Right away I admired how strong of an advocate Laura is on behalf of her son. She and her husband have tried countless interventions and therapies for their son. They moved to MN with hopes of receiving a higher level of care for him. The list goes on and on. I was excited to see one of her Facebook statuses a few months back, saying she was pregnant with their third child. About a month ago, they found out the baby was a boy, the third one for their family!
Last week, I read one of Laura's status updates. It read something very close to this, "Horrible news to report. An accident occurred which caused significant damage to my abdomen. Sadly, we lost baby Andrew immediately. He was due to arrive in August." Laura was 5 months pregnant.
I immediately sent Laura a message, offering my sympathy and concern for her. I had no idea what happened, nor did I feel it was my place to ask. A few days later, I got a personal message from Laura, explaining that she was changing Ben's diaper and for some reason, he went into fight mode. He kicked Laura in the belly so hard that the baby she was carrying was killed instantly. Laura expressed her sadness, but I need to share her comment regarding how she felt about Ben, her Autistic child. Laura insisted this horrific incident has only made her dedication to Autism Awareness that much stronger. She went on to say how she feels Drew will be Ben's angel in heaven, a special boy to watch over him. Her positive attitude, in this time of despair, was nothing short of remarkable.
I have been around Cole countless times when he is in what doctors call "fight or flight". The level of intensity of his aggression at these times is something beyond what should be physically possible for him. Doctors explain it as the same reaction you have if you were fighting for your life. With Autistic children, it is most often impossible to know what triggers this reaction. Very little can be done to avoid it, detect it, anticipate or discourage it.
My heart is so heavy for Laura, her family and Ben. Even when I hear the story and live with a person who has Autism, it is still nearly impossible for me to comprehend. Rest in peace Baby Andrew. We all know you will watch over your special brother.
Update on Cole...
I hope you all enjoyed the beautiful weather we've had over the past few days. We had a busy 3-4 days. Connor's family birthday party was this past Saturday. I had plans to do all of the party shopping and preparation on Friday. Unfortunately, I got the stomach flu late Thursday night. It came on really fast and furious. It knocked me out for 24 hours... all day Friday. I had to get up early on Saturday and do all of the running around, with nothing in me for energy and still not feeling more than 70%. As my mom says, "Moms aren't supposed to get sick!". Thankfully we had a PCA for Cole early on Saturday. Pat chipped in to help as much as possible and somehow we got it all done, with literally seconds to spare!
We were nervous as to how Cole would react to Connor's party. He had been saying, "No party for Connor. Just us today. No cake for Connor." If you read any of my past entries, then you know what happened a few weeks back when we tried to get Cole to go to his cousin's party. Thankfully, the weather was great and Cole did wonderful. He came home shortly before party started and actually seemed happy when he saw the balloons, etc. Cole played with his cousins at times and other times, he played in the front yard with Daddy and Uncle Tim. Cole was patient while Connor opened his presents and he even sang Happy Birthday. It truly was a great day. Connor had the best time and loved every minute of the day, up until 10pm when the last of his cousin's left the bonfire we had.
Easter went ok. Cole found his basket in the morning and didn't seem to interested in it. He was more concerned about riding his bike outside. He caught wind that we were going to Pat's parents for brunch and he resisted. Cole loves going there, but two gatherings in a row are very hard on him. He sat in our truck and grew very upset when we told him where we were going. Cole wanted to go to the mall, to the museum and many other places that weren't open today. We tried to explain it to him, but to no avail. He just didn't understand. I told Pat to go ahead with Connor and I would try my best to get Cole to his parents house.
Cole and I left home and found a Walgreen's that was open. We walked in and Cole asked if he could get a toy. We looked and he found a cool green remote control car. It made all kinds of neat sounds and was just the right price. With his attention diverted, I was able to get him to Pat's parents house and out of the truck without any trouble. Cole enjoyed sitting on their new outdoor swing. He played in the dirt with his cousins and ate some ham. And then he started asking to go home. Grandma Schusted had a wonderful Easter Egg Hunt planned for the boys. She had it organized so well. Each boy had their own basket full of goodies and 10 eggs to find. Each boy was assigned a color. Cole found a few eggs but it became very clear it was time to go. Pat stayed with Connor while I left with Cole.
We went to see my parents for a few short while. Cole got his first tractor ride of the year. Grandpa Denny said that Cole steered all the way to the duck pond! We visited for about an hour and then moved on. Again, Cole was ready to leave. I took Cole to the park where he did great. Shortly after we arrived, Cole looked at me and said, "I want to go pee in the woods". I looked around and saw a portable toilet. I showed it to Cole and told him he needed to use this bathroom. He said, "It won't flush. That's ok." I offered to help him, but he insisted on doing it all by himself. I never thought I would be proud of my son going potty in the porta-potty!!! I was so relieved he didn't "relieve" himself in the middle of the park... (it's the little things in life)!
We went home and spent time together taking bike rides and going to the park. Soon enough Daddy and Connor got home. The evening went well with the exception of a high level of anxiety about going to the respite house. We haven't talked about it but he knows it's coming. In the past, he's been excited to go. Now he is saying that he doesn't want to go to respite anymore. He's been looking at himself in the mirror, crying and saying, "no more respite". We'll see how Saturday goes. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for all of us.
And while you're at it, please say a prayer for Baby Andrew and his family. And share my blog with anyone you feel might benefit from gaining awareness about Autism and how profoundly it impacts the lives of those who live with it every day.
*Sorry about the duplicate pictures. I'm not sure why it uploaded the picture twice and I can't figure out how to take one down?!?!
No comments:
Post a Comment