Who gives a s#&t?

I had an experience with Cole a few days ago that I knew would happen one day... he got teased. Didn't we all get teased at sometime in our childhood? I remember riding my bike when I was about ten and a boy in the neighborhood ran up behind me and whipped a handful of those spiky stickers into my back. It hurt like heck and all I could do was pedal faster. This is where my big brother and his friends came in handy... they marched over and told the boy they would dig a hole and bury his head in the dirt if he came near me again. Needless to say, the boy stayed clear of me from that point on. I have to admit, there are times I wish Cole had an older sibling who could look out for him and explain things to kids who are around Cole's age. It's not my place to and Connor is too young to be chatting with 4th graders about life with his Autistic brother.

It was a beautiful fall day, one of the many we've had this September. Cole wanted to mow the grass and I chose to sit on the front step and watch. Cole was in his glory. He was mowing back and forth, laughing, smiling and doing his "I'm excited" hand gestures. I heard a group of kids coming up the block. It was a group of boys from the neighborhood who were maybe a year or two older than Cole. I saw one of the boys whisper something to one of the other kids while looking at Cole, and then they burst out laughing. My heart just sank. I'm not certain of what was said, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't a compliment.

What happened next has been on my mind for a week. I immediately looked at Cole, who was oblivious to the situation. He had a huge grin on his face, he waved at me and said, "Hi Mom". He didn't look up at the kids and just kept mowing. He had no clue what occurred and most importantly, he could have cared less. I thought, you know... that isn't a bad way to go through life. Honestly not giving a s#&t what other people think. How wonderful is that?

How many people can truly say they don't give a rats a## what other people think of them? Think of how many times in your life you've been stressed, worried, scared, embarrassed, insecure, hurt or picked on.

Is Greg going to like my outfit? Why did Debbie decide to go ask Sarah to the movie and not me? Why was Alex picking on me at the bus? Were people at the lunch table staring at me? What are people going to think of my presentation? If I could just lose 15 pounds. I wish I had as many friends as Kyle does. What are people going to think of my new hair color? Why did I say that to my boss? I'm not good at sports. My house is never clean enough.

We've all been there and chances we are there every day, maybe multiple times a day. We are so busy worrying about what everyone else thinks of us, that we lose sight of what is really important. We cause undue stress and anxiety to ourselves. We are so hard on ourselves.

Cole probably won't have much of that in his life. His brain isn't wired to think that way. He lives for himself and isn't caught up in how well he can throw a football or what type of shoes he wears. He's just Cole, take it or leave it. He could give a s#&t when kids ride by on their bikes and make fun of him. He's got bigger fish to fry (and lawns to mow). Think of how much stress he's saving himself.

I think we could all learn from Cole. He's 100% comfortable in who he is. He doesn't know any better and frankly, doesn't need to. He's perfect just the way he is. He loves his family and HIMSELF unconditionally. I can't stop thinking about it, as I think that is one of the most beautiful and profound things he's taught me.

Think about this. Think something positive about yourself. Don't worry if the neighbors get a new car and you can't afford one. Who cares if you got tongue tied on the conference call? Does it really matter if your daughter isn't the best skater on the ice? So what if your jeans are a little tight this fall. If we could all just be confident and comfortable with who we are, life would be much more pleasant. After all, while you're worried about what people think of you, they are probably too busy worrying about what everyone else thinks of them... so in the end, who gives a S#&t?

A few surprises

Some people like surprises and some don't. I've really grown to love them, especially when they come from Cole. He threw a few our way this past week and I can't resist sharing them.

As most of you who know, dental visits are incredibly difficult for us. Cole is deathly afraid of the dentist. In the past, we've had to secure him in a Velcroe straight jacket and hold him down. We've tried medication to calm him. It got to the point where we could not even drive on the street that led to the dentist office.

Thankfully, Fraser Academy gave me the contact information for a dentist used by one of their students. Dr King has been a huge blessing for us. The first time we took Cole to his office, his hygentist, Marlene, was like an angel. She has a special room of her own where she spends most of her day working with kids like Cole. Cole got to perform all of the teeth cleaning tasks on a teddy bear. He LOVED it. At that visit, the dentist got to take a quick peek at Cole's teeth but that was it. It was determined that Cole would need to be put under to get a full examination and for any necessary repairs. I blogged about that a few months back.

Last week it was time for Cole's 6 month check up. He was resisting the dentist appointment until I reminded him about the teddy bear. At that point, Cole was amused with excitement. We drove to the office and he was giddy. He walked into Marlene's office and worked with her to perform the teeth cleaning procedure on the bear. Cole did everything. He got to give the bear a ride, choose how the lights were going to be, turn on some music and even use the polisher. Then it was Cole's turn. Surprisingly, he sat right down in the chair and let Marlene count all of his teeth!! After that, he needed a break and wanted to work some more on the bear. Marlene asked if she could polish Cole's teeth. You could really see the anxiety mounting. She saw it and said, "How about we polish 1 tooth of yours Cole." Cole looked at her and said, pointing to his front tooth, "This one.". He sat in the chair and she did just that. Then it was the dentist's turn. Cole actually let the dentist look in his mouth for a good minute. I couldn't believe it! It doesn't seem like a lot, but that is a huge success. As my Mom always says, "He just has a way of surprising you!"

The next surprise came this past weekend. Connor had his first flag football game. Pat is the coach so he had to be there. Last year, I had PCA staff set up for each game. This year, I couldn't get staff for every game. I decided I would try to take Cole to the game. Knowing all to well that I might end up chasing him off the field and carrying him to the car while kicking and screaming. I made sure my Dad was going to be there to help, just in case.

We got in the car and headed to the game about 20 minutes after it was supposed to start. I called my dad on the way who said the game hadn't started yet. We stalled a little by getting gas and then made our way to the field. Cole blew me away! He sat so incredibly well at the game that I still can't believe it. He was like every other little kid there. He sat nicely and watched, sometimes played with his sand toys and other times climbed on my lap for a snuggle. I was so proud. I wish there was another word because proud is quite the understatement. Cole was so well-behaved that I called the PCA and asked her if we could meet 20 minutes later than scheduled. He was doing THAT good!!

I love it when he surprises me like that. It makes me so proud, especially when I look back on the experiences we've had in the past. Cole is progressing, there is no doubt about it. I'm so thankful, as it gives me something to hold onto in the really difficult times (like when he kicked in the control system in the back of our Tahoe on Saturday night).

Thanks for the surprises Cole... keep em' coming!! We love you so VERY much.

A wild ride!

As Cole reminded me this morning, it's September! Can you believe it?!? With only a handful of 90 degree days this summer, I feel like it hasn't arrived yet and here we are, with sunsets happening at 7:40pm.

My last entry had us preparing to go up north to a cabin with Pat's family. We prepared Cole the best we could, packed up and hoped for the best. It turned out to be a wild ride for us....

The first two days for Cole were as close to unbearable as they could be. Cole was incredibly out-of-sorts. His behavior was extremely difficult. To say we were struggling with him was an understatement. Cole was very aggressive. He was screaming, punching, kicking, yelling, crying, slamming his head against the truck window, kicking the truck, running and jumping in the air and landing on his shins. He was so physical to Pat, Connor and I. It was out of control and we were a millisecond away from going home without packing up; yes, it was THAT bad.

We were experiencing the two most difficult days with Cole that we's had in a long, long time. Pat and I were doing what we could to keep Cole from hurting us, himself, the cabin and our vehicle. There was a time when he was literally chasing Connor around a park to physically attack him. He is so strong that we could barely contain him and stop the behaviors. And the behaviors lasted for about 36 hours. I wish I was exaggerating.

Thankfully when Saturday morning came, Cole seemed to settle in and accept the change in routine for what it was. He calmed down and for the next 36 hours we all got to enjoy ourselves. Cole went tubing, swimming, fishing and played in the sand. He enjoyed a sword fight with his cousins and he loved finding sticks in the woods. I even managed to find a John Deere excavator that wasn't in use, so he got to sit in it and pretend he was digging with it. Pat took Cole home on Sunday evening with Aunt Katie and Uncle Troy. He did a great job in the car and was thankful to get home and be back in his usual routine.

It's hard to know why he struggled so much. It was a new cabin, a place he hadn't been to before. There were also six boys between the ages of 8 and 3. That made for a really loud cabin at times and I think that was hard on Cole. I think he also got jealous of Connor, who often played with the other cousins, instead of giving Cole the attention he was used to. Regardless, it proved to be incredibly challenging for us and rewarding in the end. A wild ride, none the less.

Since we've been home from the cabin, things have been going pretty well. We took Cole to Bunker Beach yesterday for the first time since 2006. I remember taking him there back then and it was so hard. Cole played for a while, but then stripped himself naked because he didn't like the feeling of his wet swim suit. He was very hard to keep track of and he was really aggressive to me. What a difference a few years makes. He was so happy to be there. The four of us ended up staying for 3.5 hours and we enjoyed the pools, jumping in the huge waves, riding the tubes and even climbing on the high rope above the pool. I was so proud of Cole. He is making progress. I swore I wouldn't attempt this again, but here we are a few years later having tons of success. It makes me realize that Cole can do anything he sets his mind to. He loves to live life just like we do and why should anything stop him?