So what should I say?

I read the following Facebook status update recently from another Autism mom I know via FB.

"I dislike when people tell me I have a special needs child b/c God knew I could handle it. BS...I don't have a special needs mom gene that makes this easier for me than it would be for the average person. That is just what people say to make themselves sleep better at night. I am just as selfish as the next person. I wish I had been given a special gene...it would make it much easier. I am the same as you."

I couldn't help but read some of the responses to her posting. One of which was, "not being antagonistic at all-just really curious. What is the right thing to say?"

It got me thinking, what IS the right thing to say and what do I think of her posting?????


Certainly I've had many people say things to me like, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle. There is NO WAY I could do what you do. There is a reason why God gave Cole to you., etc." For the most part I agree, God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Somehow, even on the roughest of rough days Pat and I manage to make it through. Dealing with Cole when he is struggling is incredibly difficult. Even our families are surprised at his behavior at times. And yes, there are times when I hear another parent say, "Oh, so and so had such a tantrum last night. It was awful." and I want to ask, "well, has so and so ever broken a window in your home, has she put her head through the sheetrock or punched you so hard it takes your breath away? Has your child slapped you so hard that your arm stings for the rest of the night and bruises the next day? Has he ever had to be carried out kicking and screaming from a hockey arena after throwing water bottles at the crowd, punching, scratching, hitting you and then slamming his head off concrete? Oh and don't forget the popped blood vessels in his face from screaming so intensely." Now THAT'S a tantrum. And yes, it's coming from a ten year old boy who has a disability you can't see. Imagine the looks you get from people.

Autism is very humbling. But that's ok. I've gotten to the point where I can let the public tantrums, the nasty looks and comments roll off my back. I know I'm a great mom and Pat is an AMAZING dad to Cole. We are doing a fantastic job with our son and he is working incredibly hard to cope with the numerous struggles that come with his disability. And the people I love and care about most know that, too. I'm not worried about the lady who gave me a dirty look last night at Jam Hops when Cole continued to kick the indoor fence after I asked him not to several times. I am not a bad mom who does not discipline her children. In fact, I'm damn good at being a mom. I know that, my husband knows that and so do our families and friends. At the end of the day, those are the people I care about. They see how deeply we love our son, they know the mountains we have climbed, the hoops we've jumped through and the daily struggles we overcome. My energy is better served focusing on my family verses worrying about what some person at the gas station thinks.

As I said above, many people have said, "I don't know how you do it. I couldn't." YES YOU COULD and you WOULD. It all boils down to one absolutely wonderful thing: unconditional love. I love Cole with every single cell in my body. It is this overwhelmingly powerful unconditional love for Cole that motivates Pat and I to make his life the very best it can be. It's that simple. We are not special people and we are not any better equipped to handle our situation that anyone else.

SO WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO SAY?
That is a tough one. For me, it's not what you say but how much you cherish all of the little things. I see so many people who take the little things for granted: being able to take their children to another siblings hockey game, deciding last minute to go hiking in the woods, eating dinner together as a family, being able to change plans last minute and have your kids go with the flow, not seeing one of your kids in tears at family gatherings because the other child can't handle being there anymore, sometimes spending holidays alone because one of your children refuses to go at all, not having to play outside for 45 minutes in 8 degree weather because your child doesn't feel heat/cold the same way you do, having a home that will need $10K+ in repairs before you could possibly sell it, etc., etc. etc.

For me, I want to know that you aren't taking your life for granted. I want you to know that taking your dog for a walk while your 11 and 9 year olds stay at home for 15 minutes is a privilege. Having the flexibility to go where you want to go, when you want go- even if it is running errands and going to 2 soccer games and a dance practice, is a privilege. Having a child that can function in a neuro-typical classroom and play regular sports/activities is a privilege. Watching your children learn and helping them with homework is a privilege. The ability to reason with and discipline your children is a privilege.

Maybe a good response is something like, "You are doing a great job with your child. Kids sure have a way of making us cherish what really matters in life."

ENOUGH OF THE SOAP BOX, what have we been up to?

We are thrilled to see spring peeking around the corner. The sun has been out for the past several days and it feels great. I think we all have a little more pep to our steps these days. Pat and I just got back from vacation in warm, delightfully sunny Ixtapa, Mexico. We are so very fortunate to have wonderful family who help out with the boys while we take time for ourselves. This year, my parents and older brother, Sean, also were in Ixtapa. We overlapped by three days and got to spend some time together. The guys went deep sea fishing and had a great time catching lots of fish. We had some really fantastic meals together and loved watching the sunsets from their window-filled condo. Pat and I thoroughly enjoyed our time together and appreciate everyone who helped with the boys so we could indulge in some major relaxation!

Cole had a great time turning 10!!! He loves to tell you how old he was in each year. He'll say, "Mom, how old I was in 2005? I was 4!!!". Language might not be perfect, but he's trying hard and selfishly I see that as him figuring out simple math. :-) We celebrated with a bowling party at Ham Lake Lanes. Cole loved bowling with his cousins and family. He also had a great time singing karaoke. He walked around with the mic and everyone got a chuckle when (as he was ready to go), he announced to everyone in the bowling ally, "This is Cole. The party is over. Bowling is closed. It's time to go." Did I mention we love his sense of humor???Although in his eyes, he wasn't trying to be funny. He was a man on a mission, after all, it was time to go home.

The highlight of Cole's winter was him getting to ride on the zamboni during the U of M Women's hockey game!! For those who don't know, Cole is obsessed with zambonies. A friend from high school arranged for him to ride the zamboni between periods. He was thrilled. He waved to his family in the crowd and got excited when they announced his name on the loud speaker. He even wore his U o M jersey! Check out the video below.

Connor had an exciting winter! He is turning into a fine gymnast. We were excited to travel to Iowa City in February for his first out-of-state meet. It was so much fun! Two weeks ago, Connor and his team competed in the MN State Gymnastics Championship. His team took 1st place and Connor was the top overall gymnast for all kids at his level!! Connor has developed into a real leader on his team who, even after being at home with Influenza for a week, said, "Mom I really want to try to compete. I'm not trying to brag or hurt feelings, but I usually score high and my team needs me." Needless to say, his team took 2nd that day and Connor again placed 1st in his age group! Connor also had a great time in hockey this year. His skating and stick-handling really improved and he scored a fair amount of goals throughout the season. Now we're moving on to baseball season. Pat is coaching him this year and Connor is excited to have a lot of his close friends on the team.

We are so proud of Connor. He continues to be an empathetic, proud and loving brother to Cole. They have a ton of fun together and both have already been out riding their scooters and bikes! Connor loves school. He has a lot of friends and likes to talk to everyone. He's a great a speller, he's only missed 1-2 words the entire year!! He excels in reading and math and loves science, too. He's a huge snuggle-bug, just like his brother. And he's pumped that his bangs have finally grown out after he gave himself a haircut back in October!!

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I hope it gives you a snapshot as to what life is like when someone you love has Autism. And I hope it makes you cherish all of the little things in life and the freedoms and flexibility that come along with it.

Can 2+ months really fly by this fast?

Apparently yes, two months CAN fly by this fast! I knew I was a little behind on my blog, but I was blown away to see my last post was pre-Halloween! Maybe that's a good sign... winter is nearly half over already.

But first let me back up a bit. Cole had a fantastic Halloween. He was thrilled to be Luigi from Super Mario. He wore that costume with so much pride and was even more thrilled when he saw a neighbor boy who was dressed as Mario! Cole got lots of practice wearing his costume. MAC had a Halloween party and he also wore it plenty around the house. Cole just couldn't get enough of himself, he was constantly checking himself out in the mirror. This was the first year Cole picked out his costume and wore it without hesitation. He did awesome while trick-or-treating. We pulled a trailer behind our 4-wheeler and had several of the neighborhood kids and family on it with us. Cole knew exactly what to do and loved running to the houses with his brother and friends.

November is always a time to reflect on our blessings. We got some great news from one of Cole's therapists. His Occupational Therapist informed us that starting in January, Cole would no longer need OT services! This is great news. It means Cole has mastered nearly every objective in his therapy plan. The only things left are tying his shoes and clipping his toe nails; two things that are extremely difficult for him. I think back to where he started years ago and there are so many things he's accomplished: tooth brushing, buckling, zipping, snapping, holding a pencil, typing, clipping his finger nails and so much more. We also had a very positive and encouraging meeting at MAC for Cole's 90 day plan update. He continues to blow through his objectives and challenge the therapists to pave a different road for his therapy. It's so rewarding to look over the report which shows pages and pages of mastered objectives. And I love how dedicated the MAC therapists are at researching, brainstorming and challenging themselves to come up with countless ways to challenge Cole and increase his skills. We are blessed.

December came and went in a flash. The boys loved all of the snow we got and had a blast playing outside. Cole was especially thrilled when Pat brought home a new snowmobile (new to us at least). I got part of Cole's reaction on video, but not all of it. He was over the moon and his grin went from ear to ear. Cole loves anything that goes fast and snowmobiles are no exception. Pat and the boys have had hours of fun riding the trails that are only a mile from our house. Pat's also taken them up to the ice fishing shack on Coon Lake. The highlight from that trip was when Pat got pulled over by the Sheriff. Pat didn't have all of the proper stickers on his snowmobile and got a warning ticket. Cole said to the guy, "Give him a ticket. We want a ticket!". He also asked to sit in his police car and go for a ride. Good times.

Christmas was very nice. Cole did exceptionally well at Pat's parent's house on Christmas Eve. He loved sledding outside with his cousins and showed so much patience and good manners when opening presents. Cole had fun when we hosted Christmas day at our house. He loved brunch and opening more presents. It was so exciting for him- everyone went in together and got him a refurbished iTouch! We got him a custom skin for the outside that is John Deere colors and has a picture of Cole on a tractor. He loves his iTouch. He takes it with him on the transportation van every day. Cole can listen to his favorite music (Leona Lewis, Kelly Clarkson, John Mellencamp and holiday tunes), and watch his favorite movies (Toy Story, Monsters Inc and Finding Nemo). He's done very well following the laminated directions on his backpack that remind him to put his iTouch in it's case after every car ride. Never did I imagine we could give him this responsibility! Although we have staff, drivers and us parents who make sure it's in the case before the van leaves.

Pat and I got to do something exciting. We got to travel to Dallas for a quick weekend trip. Pat's company has an office down there and we were fortunate to be invited to their holiday party. It was a lot of fun and really nice to breathe 60 degree air and soak in the sunshine. We spent some quality time with one of the other owners, ate at a true Texas BBQ and had fun shopping at a huge mall. We both loved the city and left wanting to go back again soon!

Cole had a few extra days off over the holidays. As good as he did on the actual holidays themselves, there were a few really tough days as well. Cole gets extremely thrown off when even the littlest thing changes in his routine. He acts out by being defiant, aggressive and non-compliant. It can make those extra days at home unbearable at times. The good thing is that now we know what to expect and we mentally prepare for these tough times.

January has been going well for us. Cole loved having his cousins Brady and Elle sleepover. Brady was first. Typically Brady will stay in Connor's room. On this particular night, Cole insisted Brady stay in his room. It's only fair, I suppose. It was really cute. Cole wanted Connor to sleep in his (Cole's) bed and Cole made a "sleeping bed" on the floor for him and Brady. He layered piles on blankets and placed two pillows at the top. Cole told Brady, "Cole's never slept in a sleeping bed. Lets catch some zzzz's." and when Pat told Cole he couldn't snuggle Brady, Cole turned to Brady and said, "Don't worry Brady, I won't bother you". Needless to say, when we checked on the boys ten minutes later, they were all sound asleep. The same thing happened the following night with cousin Elle. It's so nice to have Cole take part in activities that we used to only do when he was not around. :-)

Cole had the stomach flu twice in the past six weeks. The first time, it happened on the night of Pat's company holiday party. He was pretty sick that day and I ended up staying home while Pat went to the party. The second time was just yesterday. Cole threw up a few times in the morning, but then started firing on all cylinders. It was like any other day. Cole was so proud to tell Pat, ""Daddy, I threw up in the bucket all by myself!!!!" And when he asked me for muffins, I told him he couldn't and that his tummy might not like it. Cole then pointed to his belly and said, "Tummy, you want muffins???" I love how literal he can be at times.

I can't stop writing without some news about Connor. He's such a fantastic kid. He really is. Connor loves school, excels at it and has tons of friends. He still runs to me with a huge hug when I come in to visit him at lunch or volunteer in his class. He adores his teacher and loves to share what he's learning about. He's full of interesting facts, just like his dad. This winter, Connor is playing hockey and still competes in gymnastics. He had his first meet a few weeks ago. We knew Connor could hold his own, but he ended up placing in all six events and he took first place in the all-around, amongst 68 other gymnasts! We had so much fun staying in a hotel with his team and competing the next day. We are looking forward to traveling to Iowa in February for an out-of-state meet! Connor also has taken a liking to snowboarding. He's had a few lessons with Brittany's brother, Ross. Lucky for him, there are eight foot tall snow banks in our yard for him to practice on. At the last lesson, I was chatting with Ross and looked up to see my 7 year old riding on the chair lift by himself. That's our Connor.

Connor continues to be an incredible brother to Cole. I always tell him that God placed him in our family for a reason and there is no one who could be a better son and brother than he is. Connor is so proud of Cole and likes to involve him in his play dates. They love to play the Wii together, wrestle, color and play outside. It's wonderful to watch.

Cool stuff going on

Cole has been slowly adjusting to the cooler weather and diminishing daylight. Not that he's fond of these changes, but he seems to be coping as best he can. Fall and Spring are the two most difficult times of the year for Cole. He struggles in the fall to let go of all the wonderful things that summer brings: endless tractor rides, short sleeve shirts, playing outside until 8pm, bike rides, scooter rides and other fun things.

It takes quite a few weeks for Cole to adjust to playing inside longer, putting on a coat and waking up when it's still dark out. The last few mornings, Cole has told me, "Mom go back to bed, it's still dark out". Now only if he said that on the weekends, when he's consistently up and firing on all cylinders at 5:45am. These transitions seem easy and for some people, even anticipated. For Cole, these changes throw him off entirely. It affects his behavior. He's on edge, irritable and doesn't understand when you tell him he can't ride his scooter in the dark. His therapists at MAC work on getting him to wear more than one pair of jeans and long sleeve shirts. Cole is so resistant to these things that he checks his backpack each morning and tells me, "no jeans or long sleeve shirts in backpack Mom." I have to hide them inside when he's not looking or sometimes hand a separate bag to his driver, so she can give it to MAC.

The other hard thing is the first few snowfalls. You know, the kind where it is snowing, but it melts when it hits the ground. That is the worst for Cole. He thinks he's going to get to plow snow with the tractor or at very least, shovel. He's ready to put on his snow suit, put the plow on the tractor and spend two hours moving the snow around. He doesn't understand that the ground is too warm.

Thankfully, over the past 18 months, Cole has learned a lot more age-appropriate play skills. This helps tremendously in the cold weather months. He loves playing the Wii, his Nintendo DS and more recently, he loves my iPhone and the music it can play. Cole has his own special play list. He jams to music of all kinds. Right now he's into Katy Perry, John Mellencamp, Pink and the Gear Daddies. He navigates my phone with ease, puts on his headphones, sings, bops his head and shakes his hands to the beat. He loves music, just like his brother does. Cole will even look up the music videos or concerts on YouTube. He can point out John Mellencamp from other members of the band and find him singing the songs he likes.

Cole continues to take private swim lessons at Foss. He is making so much progress. His instructor, Megan, is amazing with Cole. She's been working with him for almost two years and she knows him well. She understands how to motivate him, how to keep him from acting silly and more importantly, how to teach him to swim. We've tried other instructors and not one has been as great as Megan. Cole was thrilled last week when it was Safety Week at Foss. He got to put on a Foss sweatsuit and practice both swimming in the clothes and jumping off the sides. They walked around the read all of the safety signs. They talked about who Cole can swim with, where he can swim and what to do in an emergency. He loved it!

Cole is SO excited to start hockey. We have him signed up for his second season on the Polar team in the MN Special Hockey league. He is waiting patiently for the middle of November, when he'll skate every Sunday. I took the boys to open skate last Saturday. We met Uncle Sean at the arena. They both loved skating with Uncle Sean. Cole's legs were a little wobbly at first, but he got back into it. I even saw him talking to an older gentleman and giving him a high five. Sean and I both saw it and couldn't help but smile. Cole still loves to skate fast and then fall down. The goal this year is to teach him more about where to shoot the puck and not to fall until after he scores a goal. We'll see how that goes! As much as Cole loves to skate, his favorite part is the zambonie. At open skate, he was asking the rink attendant if the zambonie was going to come out. It made his day when the black and gold machine revved up and made its way onto the ice. Cole waved in excitement and told me the "zambonie was mowing the ice." I guess that's one way to look at it!

I have been looking for some homeschool activities that Cole can participate in while he's in therapy at MAC. We all feel it would be a really great opportunity for Cole. Not only will he get to do some fun activities throughout each week, he'll get the chance to socialize with and model after neuro-typical children. So far, we have him signed up for homeschool gym class at the YMCA, ice skate lessons, a monthly rock climbing group and I'm hoping to add either bowling or gymnastics! We are also waiting to see if there is a spot on the roster of a Special Olympics Floor Hockey team. I should find that out this week. I'm so proud that Cole has progressed to a point where these things are possible. What a gift!

Speaking of progress, we just had Cole's annual assessment with MAC. Each year Cole is tested to see where he falls on the Autism Spectrum. It's a big undertaking. I fill out several questionnaires, Cole is observed and tested, I am interviewed, along with several of his therapists. We had a meeting this week to find out the results. Things went so well. Cole showed so much improvement over last year. He is continually moving toward the mildest area on the Autism scale. He still tests and functions in quite low percentages when compared to kids his age, but I don't give a crap. He's making TONS and TONS of progress and his Autism symptoms are slowly decreasing in intensity and severeness... what more can we ask for? He is talking more fluently, teaching himself to read, understanding simple math and having less aggressive behaviors. More importantly, he is happier and enjoying life. His frustration level is decreasing and he has the skills to play with kids his own age.

MAC has been incredible and a critical part of his progress. His team of therapists are truly vested in Cole. His lead therapist came back from maternity leave last week. She told me at the meeting that while on leave, there was a chance she was not going to be re-assigned to Cole upon her return. She was so bummed out, that she immediately called her husband and then her mom to talk about it. She was devastated. Then a week later, she got her case load and Cole's name was on it. She called the office right away to confirm it and when they told her she would indeed still be working with Cole, she was elated. These are the type of people who work so hard on Cole's behalf. They are highly-educated, driven, passionate, caring and wonderful people. And we are so blessed to have them on our team.

I hope you all enjoy a fun Halloween with your families. This is the first year Cole has showed true excitement for Halloween. For the first time ever, he told me what he wanted to be and helped me find the costume. It came in the mail last week and he was so excited. Cole tried it on right away and stood in front of the mirror, looking at himself, dancing in it and asking if he could wear it every day. It seems so simple, but this is significant for Cole. We know how much work and progress it's taken to get Cole to this point and Pat and I could not help but revel in it.

a few firsts

It's hard to believe it's September. Although it was hard to miss it when, at 5:13am on September 1st, Cole ran into our room and excitedly said, "Mom, it's September!!!". I think he was most excited because to him, September means short-wearing season is done. No more mom sneaking shorts into his backpack for him to wear at therapy throughout the day. Yes, it is that hard to get him into shorts. In fact, I don't think Cole wore shorts one time this summer!!

Now Cole is into one certain pair of jeans. He wants to wear the same pair every single day. I'm not sure why this is? So now I'm sending different style jeans in his backpack for him to wear at therapy. He is so smart, he even tries to look in his backpack before he hops on the van, to make sure there are no shorts or jeans in there. I have a separate bag with the jeans and luckily, the driver makes sure the "extra bag" makes it to MAC. Therapists want us to have Cole wear the jeans if he expresses interest in doing something. In other words, if he wants to play the Wii, he will need to put on different jeans first. We'll start this once he gets back from the respite house.. wish us luck!

We've had a few exciting firsts with Cole over the past few weeks. It's so rewarding for us to witness his progress!!!

The boys were invited to a birthday party last weekend for two twin boys who live across the street. The party was at Pump It Up, one of Cole's favorite places. Pat and I stayed at the party, in case things didn't go well for Cole. I'm glad we were there to see how awesome Cole did! Cole had so much fun. He played for the entire hour in the inflatable area. They turned off the lights, played music and gave the kids glow sticks. Cole thought it was cool. He even liked the "fighting" area, where kids had big inflatable "weapons" to hit and knock one another over. Cole played that with a few boys and laughed the entire time! Pat and I saw Cole (for the first time ever), go up to a child he didn't know. We couldn't hear what Cole said, but after a little bit of conversation, he turned to us and said, "This is my friend, Jack". Cole got a little too close for Jack's comfort level and he walked away from Cole shortly after their conversation. It didn't bother us, or Cole for that matter. We were so proud of Cole for trying to make a new friend. The time came for pizza, cake and presents. Cole found a place to sit amongst the group of kids. He was completely indistinguishable. If it weren't for one of the twins who said, "Cole has Autism", I don't think any of them would have known. Cole ate his pizza, politely asked for another slice and sang Happy Birthday just like the rest of them. He sat patiently for cake and brought his gift up to the boys without being told. He even let Connor run around and didn't need to be by his side the whole time. It was a huge success!!

Later that day, Pat set up the tent in the back yard. We set up a nice fire and torches. The boys brought out their sleeping bags, pillows and lots of blankets. The three of them slept out in the tent and made it until 3:30am, when Connor woke up cold. Cole loved sleeping out in the tent. They snuggled close together and Cole kept telling Pat, "I love you Dad. I love sleeping in the tent.". Cole has been so verbal with his feelings. He is constantly telling us how much he loves us and he's always giving lots of hugs and kisses. We are so thankful to get that from him.

Another first was Hippotherapy. Hippotherapy is Occupational Therapy that takes place on a specially trained horse. It is very expensive ($160/hr) and very hard to get into. I saw a neat program on the news and in July I put Cole on the wait list. It was supposed to be a year long wait, but we lucked out and Cole got a call two weeks ago. It was a mad rush to get all of the logistics worked out, but we succeeded. Cole's waiver program is paying for the majority of it and thankfully, the one time slot that was open happen to fit our schedule perfectly.

He went to his first session on Tuesday. It was incredible. Cole walked in, put on his horse helmet and hopped on Dreamer the horse like he had been doing it for years. Cole was so happy, calm, talkative and cooperative. There are four staffers working with Cole and Dreamer. They walk around for about 5-8 minutes and then stop and do OT-related therapies while on the horse. They taught Cole commands for Dreamer and Cole was soon able to say, "Walk on Dreamer". He would wave to other people watching and ask to go faster. It was so amazing to watch and it makes me excited to see where he'll go from here. This session goes another five weeks. At that time, we'll need to get approval to fund another session. Each session is over $1000, so I'm hoping we can find a way to make it work. (see video below)

Cole also had a ton of fun at Uncle Tim's Labor Day BBQ. Pat, Connor and Cole rode their bikes to Tim's house- something Cole loves to do. It's about a twenty minute ride and the boys love it. Before they could leave, Cole made sure to put three of our Rock Band and Guitar Hero guitars in the truck. He said he wanted to have a "dance party". Fortunately, Tim had everything we needed for this dance party! The BBQ is the perfect excuse to test out the Vikings tailgating set-up. For those of you who haven't seen it, Troy and Tim's set up attracts many people and puts the need for a downtown bar down to shame. Cole did so well. He lasted five hours and behaved really well. It was the first time I can recall where Pat and I didn't have to take constant shifts watching Cole's every move. Cole played with all of his cousins. They played baseball, ran in the woods, rode toy 4-wheelers and rolled down the hill. Tim let Cole drive his lawn tractor and after dinner, he turned on the music. Cole ran and got the guitars and went to town. Cole and the cousins jammed to music. Some of them sang into the mic, a few played guitars and some chose to dance around. I think Cole's favorite was singing Hey Soul Sister and playing guitar to 21 Guns. It was a fun party and we were thrilled to see Cole have so much fun with Connor and his cousins.

Personally I had a rewarding experience with my blog this week. I heard from a mom of an autistic child who reads it. She reached out to me after having a really tough day with her son. We emailed back and forth and traded experiences and insight. She was very complimentary to me and shared how helpful she finds my blog and how much she appreciates my advice. It was nice to help her and feel like someone else benefitted from my past experience. As I told her, we're all in this together.

Summer Fun!

The Cooney Cabin vacation that Cole has been looking forward to for months finally arrived. Early in July, we traveled up to Cabin O Pines in Orr. It was our first visit to COP, and we chose it since my brother, Brendan's, fiance's parents own it (whew, did you follow that?). Oh, and don't worry, I'll get to the fiance part later.

We did our best to prepare Cole for what the new resort would be like, to let him know what days he would be there and who he would ride home with. We had a picture schedule and a social story for him. All in all, it went quite well. He loved COP. There was so much to do. He rode 4-wheelers, went on boat rides, scooter rides and bike rides. He played at the beach, swam out to the raft and even jumped off. At night, he played his Nintendo DS and the Wii. We also took Cole to the nearby Bear Sanctuary. Cole liked it, although his favorite part was riding the school bus from the parking lot to the sanctuary. It was fascinating, as we got to see many wild bears in their natural habitat. At times, the bears were ten feet from the elevated deck we were standing on. Cole also loved going on the boat at night to watch the fireworks. It was so much fun!! We ventured out to the bay with many other boats and watched a fantastic fireworks show. Cole thought it was the coolest thing ever.

There were only a few times when Cole struggled. One day, it was sprinkling on and off. That did not sit well with Cole. He gets REALLY mad when Mother Nature interferes with his to-do list. Cole was a man on a mission and the rain did not fit into his plans. He got quite mad and acted out aggressively & vocally, off and on throughout the day. Luckily the rain didn't last too long and Cole's spirits lifted. The other time he got upset was on Monday night. Cole knew he was leaving on Wednesday and for some reason on Monday he thought it was Tuesday. He got very sad and kept saying, "Cole doesn't want to leave. I'm staying at the cabin. I'm not going home with Daddy." After a while, Cole finally said, "I don't want to leave tomorrow." Only then did I realize he had his days mixed up. I instantly told him that tomorrow was only Tuesday and his attitude turned on a dime. He lit up, as happy as could be, and said, 'I'm not leaving tomorrow. I get to stay!!".

Tuesday turned out the be an awesome day at COP. My brother, Brendan, proposed to his girlfriend, Brittany. It was so fun to be a part of the celebration and share the experience with both of our families. Brendan proposed out on the boat in the evening. The guys were out fishing, so us ladies were the first to hear the news- with the exception of Brittany's parents, who Brendan talked to ahead of time. It was fun explaining to Cole that Brittany was now officially his Aunt and that she and Brendan would be getting married. After the men came in from fishing, Brittany's parents and a few close family friends from the resort joined us in our cabin for some celebratory champagne. We could not be happier for the two of them and we are really excited to see Brendan joining such an amazing family. We look forward to the wedding on August 27th of next year.

Wednesday afternoon came and Cole helped Pat pack up the boat. After another fun day in the sun and on the trails, Cole was ready to leave and didn't resist when it came time to pack up and leave. He cooperated really well, said his goodbyes and had a fun time playing songs from his iTunes playlist the entire ride home. Sean and Pat are saints for listening to about eight songs over and over and over and over.

The weeks following the cabin trip proved to be quite a struggle for Pat and I. Cole's schedule was really thrown off, some of our PCAs were on vacation and Cole had several new therapists at MAC. All together, it was a recipe for some challenging behavior. Cole pushed every boundary he could, had some moments of tough physical and vocal aggression and resisted the discipline we have in place for him. Just when we start to question why we bothered going on vacation and putting ourselves through the aftermath, Cole started to improve. He got back into routine and realized that just because he was stretching his boundaries didn't mean he would get away with it.

One of these tough times came at the Aquatennial Fireworks. Cole has gone to the fireworks with Grandma and Grandpa Cooney for the past few years. He loves the show and behaves really well. This year, the fireworks show was on the day he got home from the respite house. Pat took the opportunity to go fishing. I decided I would join everyone else at the fireworks. Cole was very excited. We took two cars and he happily rode with Grandpa. We walked to the area where he's watched the show in years past. It was about ten minutes before the show was to start and Cole asked when he would see dad. I told him, "Dad is fishing, you'll see him later tonight." From that point on, Cole wanted to leave. He asked countless times and we all did our best to distract him and tell him it would only be a few more minutes until the fireworks. It wasn't good enough for Cole and his patience ran out. Suddenly, in front of hundreds of people, he started screaming, kicking me, punching me, scratching me, biting himself, etc. It was terrible. I take that back, it was beyond terrible. I had no choice but to leave; for Cole's safety and my own. So I told Connor we had to leave and off we went. My Dad followed us to the car; with Cole still upset and causing a scene. I felt really bad for Connor, even though he left without one ounce of pouting or complaining. It broke my heart to take him from the fireworks. Thankfully, my Dad stayed about 10 feet behind with Connor and I was able to get Cole in the car and leave without him wanting Connor. Connor got the watch the rest of the show and spend the night at Brendan and Brittany's house. We got in the car and Cole was instantly a brand new kid; happy as can be, singing Black Eyed Peas and playing his DS. Me, well... I can't say I felt the same. It was one of those times when I wanted to scream, "AUTISM SUCKS".

Thankfully we've had a really good few weeks with Cole. He's been into taking long bike rides to see his aunt and uncles. He's gone to the beach and on many fun boat rides. This weekend we are taking him to Bunker Beach and next week we head to the water park hotel in Otsego. I'm sure many of you saw the video of Cole singing with Tim Mahoney at the MAC fundraiser picnic. Again, he surprised us all and went right up the microphone and started singing with the band. He bopped along and sang background vocals. It was priceless and one of those times that make the difficult days disappear from memory. We are blessed that Cole gives us many of those moments. It makes it much easier to stay focused on the positive, where our energy belongs.

Enjoy the rest of your summer everyone!

A great start to the summer!

You can tell it's summer by the fact that it's been nearly 2 months since I've posted last! It's been a pleasant spring and summer. I hope you've all been able to enjoy it to it's fullest.

Cole's summer is off to a great start. The highlight so far was the trip we took to the Noble Family Farm in Austin, MN. We were so thankful to be invited to the farm from our close friend, Jason and his family. Running a farm would be Cole's dream job and to say he saw a slice of heaven in Austin is an understatement.

The ride down was a little hairy. It was only a 2 hour drive, but Cole's excitement got the best of him. Well that, and the rain. He struggled in the truck and screamed for it to stop raining. He would ask, "where is the farm?" We would reply, "we'll be there in 40 minutes." Cole would reply, "No, 4 minutes." I wish it were that easy. We made it and Cole was SO excited once we got there. The rain let up a little and he was amazed at the farm. We played for a while, riding the tractors, mowing the lawn, buzzing around on the go kart and checking things out. Then it started to rain. Luckily we were planning on staying at a hotel with a pool. We loaded up the kids and headed to town. Cole was equally as excited about the hotel. It was his first time and he thought it was the coolest thing. He kept saying, "We'll sleep HERE tonight." "Connor, I'm going to sleep with Dad, you sleep with Mom." He took it all in and loved snuggling on the "new" bed. Soon Jason and his kids arrived. Everyone swam for a few hours. Cole did awesome. It was loud in the pool area and there were a lot of energetic kids. Cole played it cool and blended right in. After a while we looked up and the sun was shining. So off to the farm we went.

It only got better from there. Cole mowed every blade of grass at the farm. He was in heaven and the constant smile on his face gave me goosebumps. He interacted with the kids and took turns on all of the fun things to do. He got to ride a dirt bike with Pat. It was so fun to see. Cole desperately wanted to drive it by himself, like Breyden, but he settled for Pat's help. Cole even got to ride in an old-fashioned tractor. It worked perfectly and the guys needed to use its scoop for some heavy lifting around the farm. Jason let Cole and the kids come up by him and ride it around the farm. Cole got to ride it a few times and it was just awesome!!

Finally at 10:30 we decided it was time to go back to the hotel. We got ready for bed and all was quiet in the room. All of the sudden, I hear Cole whisper to Pat these exact words, "Dad, thank you for taking me to the farm." It was music to our ears.

We enjoyed breakfast at Perkins the next morning and loaded up our stuff. We headed back to the farm for a few more hours of fun and then Cole was ready to go home. It was a HUGE success. Words can't express how thankful we are to the Noble Family for giving us this wonderful experience. Cole talks about Jason's kids and asks to go back to the farm every single day.

OUR GETAWAY

Last year we started an annual tradition of taking Connor on a fishing trip up north. While Cole was at the respite house this year, Pat and I took Connor to Ely and Biwabik. We had a fantastic time. Connor caught his first walleye! He thoroughly enjoyed his one-on-one time with us. We played games, fished, swam, ate, explored, snuggled, hiked and did so many fun things. We even got to tour the Soudon Ore Mine. It was fascinating. After a 3 minute steel elevator ride down 1/2 mile+ into the ground, we learned so much of what it was like to be a miner and how they went about mining the ore. Connor loved the experience and took it all in. He loves learning about things like that and takes in all the details, just like Pat does. They are so similar in that way. Pat is full of tid bits of information about a wide array of things and I can tell Connor is going to be the same way. It was hard to see the time come to an end, but we have next year to look forward to. It's so important for Pat and I to give Connor time all his own. He makes so many concessions and there are numerous things we can't take part in as a family. We try hard to give him unique experiences and our un-divided attention. He deserves it.

MIRACLE LEAGUE and PLAY NET

Cole took part in Miracle League baseball this year. It was another successful season. He enjoyed playing on Thursday nights and met a lot of new friends. This year was the first time he didn't hit off the tee. We were so proud of him. He was especially excited to have Connor's help in the field on the last night. He is so proud of his brother and loves him so much. I love seeing these kids play baseball, no matter what impairments they might have. The league brings priceless joy to these kids and we wouldn't miss it.

Cole is also taking part in a play in the park summer "camp". He goes every Monday and Wednesday for 2-1/2 hours. Staff from MAC meet him there and work with him on his social skills and other objectives of his programming. Cole has done wonderfully. He walks up to the staff and says, "Hi, my name is Cole" when it's time to check in. I don't stay and watch, but MAC staff have said he needs minimal assistance to learn the games and blends in very well with the

neuro-typical kids. Pretty soon we are going to let him bring Connor as his guest. That should be fun!

TUBING, TUBING, TUBING!!!

Cole absolutely loves our new boat. Pat has taken him out countless times. Cole has learned how to turn on both motors, hook things up and steer the trolling motor. He even helps Pat back the boat in by copying me as I tell Pat how many feet he has left in the garage. We've also been able to take the boys tubing a few times. The first time we went with Brendan and Brittany. We had a blast. Just yesterday we took Cole's cousins, Brady and Cooper, on the boat. Cole was really excited! The three boys tubed for a long time, laughing and bouncing about. After that, we took them to the sandy lake shore and played in the water for a while. Cole loves to go fast and smiles constantly. The faster, the better for this first mate.

HARLEY RIDE

This past week, Cole took his first ride of the summer on Grandpa Denny's Harley. Right after he got his helmet, he ran to Grandpa and said, "Grandpa I'm scared." I think he was more excited than anything. Grandpa took him around the block and back to the house. That wasn't enough for Cole, he wanted a longer ride. So off they went, two peas in a pod. Cole loved the motorcycle and wanted to go faster than Grandpa would allow. It's fun to see Cole experiencing such fun things. He lives life to the fullest, that's for sure.

THURSDAY, JULY 1st

This day will be bittersweet for our family. It marks the six year anniversary of Cole's Autism diagnosis. When I think about it, the only sad thing about it is looking back to that particular day and how profoundly sad, scared and alone we felt. Our family has come a long way since then and we have so much to be proud of.

That night will be special for Cole. It will be his first experience at the new Target Field. A former co-worker of mine generously donated four tickets to our family. Cole is super-excited! He woke up this morning and said, "Mom, Thursday is July. I'll go to the city." He also says he's going to have a "fancy dinner in the city". I'm not sure how pizza and ice cream at the ball park qualify, but we'll take it. We are looking forward to this momentous occasion and hope it turns out to be a rewarding reflection on just how far Cole has come.

May is for Mother's Day!

Wow, it's May already. Although the weather we've been having makes it feel like it's May, in reality, it just doesn't seem possible. Connor told me this week he only has five weeks left of school. There is no way my baby can be almost done with 1st grade. I saw an old friend this week and he asked if Pat still had his job selling highway advertising signs. I can barely remember when he worked there. It was nearly ten years ago when I was pregnant with Cole... that makes me realize just how fast time is passing by. In a few short months, it will be six years since Cole's Autism diagnosis. So much in our lives has happened, so much has changed, goals are becoming reality, visions of the future are suddenly the present.

I always wanted to be a mom. I knew I would love it. And it is by far the most rewarding, enjoyable and important job I've ever had. Connor made my day this week when he told my Mom that I do such a good job because I've had "lots of mommy training classes". It will be fun when Connor realizes years from now that children don't come with any kind of handbook. His comment got me thinking about how and why I parent the way I do. It was easy. I've had an incredible "mommy trainer". My mom did an outstanding job raising her children. She worked outside the home, always had dinner for us (even if she wasn't going to be home), our home was clean, she seldom missed any of our sporting events and even though she was crazy busy, it felt to me like she was a stay at home mom. She was full of good advice and loved each of us four kids unconditionally. Even now, I can count on her no matter what. Most of the time, she offers her help before the words come out of my mouth. She understands and praises the hard work I'm doing as a mom and tells me I'm doing a good job. I feel like she loves my children as they were her own and she's always listens to the countless "proud mommy stories" I share with her. I'm so fortunate to have such a wonderful mother and "mommy trainer".

Cheers and Happy Mother's Day to all of the wonderful moms out there, who wake up each day and give all they have to make the lives of their children as pleasant and love-filled as they possibly can.

Now for an update on one of my scariest mommy moments. As many of you know, Connor broke his arm in two places on Easter morning. He had surgery on it almost two weeks ago. The doctor made an incision and placed two pins to hold the bone in place. Connor got his permanent cast on Monday and the xray showed everything is healing well. We go back a week from Monday to possibly get the cast off and pins removed. Connor has been wonderful throughout the ordeal and hasn't complained one bit. He's very excited to get back to gymnastics and join his baseball team. As you can imagine, Connor has managed to have a lot of fun regardless. There isn't much that slows him down.

We had friends in town last weekend from Sioux Falls, SD. Our friends came to visit with their two children. We prepared Cole as well as we could, but we just didn't know what to expect. The last time they were here (about 3-4 years ago), Cole got so worked up we had to call my parents and bring him there for the remainder of the weekend. This time, we did have a back up plan in case things didn't go well, but we didn't need it! Cole loved having our friends here. He talked with all of them and played with the kids throughout the weekend. The kids even put on a mini-Prom in the basement. Cole loved watching Pat and I dance in the basement and had a blast playing Rock Band with everyone afterward. Everything went so smooth and Cole was happy the entire time. You'll see the pictures I posted and how happy Cole was. The best part came when Jim said goodbye to Cole. Cole looked at him and said (without prompting), "You can come back any time". We were so proud of him. Cole has been talking about the Rysavy's every day. He wanted them to come back this weekend. It's a good thing they are coming in July so he has that to look forward to!

Cole has been doing a lot of testing with our school district. He is being evaluated by a team of specialists to determine where the best fit is for him. The past three testing sessions have gone so well. All evaluators said he worked very hard and stayed on task. In talking with them, it seems Cole cooperated very well and they were able to get the information they needed. The only glitch we had was last Thursday. I was about to take Cole up to McKinley for testing, when Cole heard the garbage truck. He LOVES the garbage truck and seldom gets to see it. I tried to get Cole to leave, but I just couldn't make him get in the truck. He was so excited to see the garbage man and I wasn't going to burst his bubble. I called the school to let them know we would be late and we waited for a half hour until the garbage man made it through the entire neighborhood and finally arrived at our house. Cole jumped up and down and waved in excitement. It was well worth it.

He is making progress every day. His speech is blossoming and his behavior is very manageable. Pat was in Toronto last week for work and I can honestly say it did not give me one ounce of stress. It has taken A LOT of time and hard work to get to this point, but we are here and it feels wonderful. What a wonderful mommy moment. Then again, I have many wonderful mommy moments. And I look forward to countless more.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!!